Ravenf6's RK Whose Line Fic
by ravenf6
Summary: I had this idea in my head for a while, but it seems I'm one of many to do a Whose Line fic... who's complaining?
1. Default Chapter

-----------Whose Line is it Anyway?  
  
I've been in a writer's block for a while, I was starting to come up with some things but the damn hacker threw all those plans into chaos. However, not everything was scrapped,  
  
My next fanfic venture is one I've wanted to do for a while. This time, I'm having the cast of RK (I may expand into other anime and possibly games if this bears good fruit) be performers on Whose Line is it Anyway.  
  
Just for standard formality reasons, I DO NOT own RK or Whose Line, otherwise I'd be wouldn't be writing this every 5 seconds.  
  
I will also have some my characters host the show while I'm at it. So if you want a good laugh, take a look and see what would happen if one of the funniest shows on TV gets a visit from some of the craziest folks ever known.if you haven't already..  
  
RK/Whose Line #1: Kenshin, Kaoru, Yahiko, Sanosuke  
  
Host: Juno the apprentice  
  
Juno: Good evening everyone, and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?". On tonight's show.. He's Doctor Jekell & Mr. Hyde, Kenshin Himura!  
  
Off with their heads! Kaoru Kamiya!  
  
You can't make an omelet without breaking a few Yahiko Miyojin!  
  
And do you feel lucky, punk? Sanouske Sagara!  
  
Hey, I'm your host, Juno. So let's go down and have some fun! *Audience applauds*  
  
Juno: Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway". The show where everything is made up, and the points don't matter. Just like lawyers to the Heartless. If you've just crawled out of a cave and started watching this show, what happens is that these four guys are gonna act out all sorts of scenes and I award them fakey points, which don't mean squat. At the end of the show we pick a winner, who gets to do something special with me. While the losers have to endure the "shoulder dodge into groin kick."  
  
(Audience groans while Yahiko grins wickedly).  
  
Aside from that, I'd like to thank all our guests for being here tonight. We've got a lot of show for you, so let's start with a game called "News Flash". This is for Kenshin, Sanouske, and Yahiko. What happens is that Kenshin is covering a live story on the green screen, and he has to try and figure out what's behind him with hints from Yahiko and Sano.  
  
Kenshin: This isn't a green screen at all. It's blue, that it is.  
  
Everyone snickers  
  
Juno: ...Yeah. Whenever you're ready, let's start the scene.  
  
Yahiko: ..so that bald Canadian struck it rich, huh?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Sano: Yeah. Oh, we interrupt this program for a special news bulletin. We have our award winning reporter, Kenshin on the scene. How are you doing out there?  
  
The scene depicts bits from the show in which Kenshin gets the crap beat out of him by Kaoru and co. The audience roars with laughter.  
  
Kenshin: What?  
  
Sano: Kenshin, what's going on out there?  
  
Kenshin; (Looks at blue screen) I've no idea but it's madness, I can tell you that much.  
  
Yahiko: What a nightmare! Kenshin, how did this start?  
  
Kenshin: ..It all started with a can of itching powder (Audience laughs) then this exploded into pandemonium!  
  
Yahiko: Ouch! Kenshin, I fear for your safety. Are sure you're okay?  
  
Blue screen shows Kenshin get the royal crowning treatment from Kaoru when Megumi first flirts with him at the dojo. Loud laughter explodes  
  
Kenshin: (Looks behind him).Yes. Thankfully.  
  
Sano: Ooh, that looks painful just watching. What have you done to protect yourself out there?  
  
Kenshin:..um.tinfoil. Lots and lots of tinfoil.  
  
Audience laughter intensifies, Juno is howling in delight.  
  
Sano: How can you just stand by and let this happen?  
  
Kenshin: Oro. I really don't know, but it looks like it hurts, doesn't it.  
  
Yahiko: This is a sight too gruesome to experience over and over, Kenshin. What advice do you have for the public in this situation?  
  
Kenshin: (sweatdrops) .. Run! Run for your lives!!  
  
Bzzzt!  
  
Juno: (Wipes away tears, trying to contain himself) Ha, ha. Alright, Kenshin, "sniff" what's the story?  
  
Kenshin: (blushes)...I hope it's not what I think it is.  
  
Juno: What?  
  
Kenshin: All the times Miss Kaoru gets upset with me.  
  
Kaoru, Yahiko and Sano chuckle.  
  
Juno: Close enough! (Kenshin returns to his seat, Kaoru tries to console him) 9000 points go to Kenshin for being such a good sport.and 6700 to everyone else. Now we go on to a game called "superheroes". This is for all four of you. Starting with Kaoru. (Turns to the audience), we screw everyone up by giving them stupid superhero names, and what's a good name for Kaoru the superhero?  
  
Various audience members: Broccoli girl! Noodle woman! Mad Busu!  
  
Audience laughs, but Kaoru starts towards the audience with a murderous look when Kenshin stops her.  
  
Juno: Ouch. Mad Busu... And what's the crisis for Mad Busu?  
  
Audience member: No more beauty products.  
  
Juno: (winces) Ooh. no more beauty products. Kaoru, I'm really sorry about this. Whenever you're ready, start the scene.  
  
Kaoru: Hm. I wonder if I should go on that date, tonight? (Looks at an invisible mirror and makes a shattering sound. Audience laughs) Rats.. Hey, where's all my beauty cream?! Oh my god! there's no beauty products anywhere! I better use the Busu signal. (turns on a invisible signal light) I hope someone will come soon.  
  
Sano: I got here as fast as I could- damn, are you ugly, missy.. and I've seen Picasso.  
  
Audience laughs while Kaoru scowls.  
  
Kaoru: (Sarcastically) It's good that you're here, Drunken Rooster Man.  
  
Sano: (slurred) Wellrr I'll just try n' crowwwwwwwwww..but wr gonna need mor hep "hic" help. (waddles around the stage in a drunken stupor)  
  
Yahiko comes in  
  
Yahiko: Hey, did you notice your rooster's drunk? And who did this to you??  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Sano: (slurred) Looky herre, the Three Stooges Kid!  
  
Yahiko: (As Moe) What do you think you're doing, getting stewed? Look alive! (Gives Sano an eye poke) We got a job to do, feather duster head.  
  
Kaoru: There are no beauty products left in the world!  
  
Yahiko: (As Curly) No kidding? Is there a full moon out tonight? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.  
  
Kaoru: (Slaps Yahiko) The only moon you'll see is the one I'm gonna flip ya. Now what are we going to do about this crisis?  
  
Yahiko: (Still Curly) Oh, wanna play hardball, eh? (Barks and snarls)  
  
Kaoru: Okay, simmer down, bloodhound.  
  
Kenshin's turn  
  
Kenshin: This looks like a big mess, that it does.  
  
Yahiko: (As Larry) Oh thank goodness; it's Mr. Uncle! There's no more beauty products left in the world.  
  
Kenshin: (As Uncle) Aiya! What are you three doing? Help Uncle research a solution! One more thing! You need to get your rooster fixed!! ( points to Sano who is crowing like a dead trumpet)  
  
Yahiko: (Moe) Pick out two fingers.  
  
Kenshin: (picks two fingers and gets an eye poke) Oh, you will pay for that! (Smacks Yahiko). We must sacrifice possessed little child! I will start at once! (Leaves, dragging Yahiko by his shirt)  
  
Sano: (still slurred)Hmmm I gotta go wake the sunnnnnnn (raises a root to go forward but drops to the floor).  
  
Kaoru: Well that's the end of that crisis (Grabs her wooden sword). Now where's the jerk who called me Mad Busu?!?!?!!!  
  
Yahiko and Kenshin try desperately to hold back a raging Kaoru.  
  
Kenshin: Now, now, Miss Kaoru. It's only a show; you need to calm down, that you must.  
  
Yahiko: Besides, you can wait 'til it's over to get him.  
  
Sano: Nah, turn her loose, give this folks a real show.  
  
*BZZT*  
  
Juno: Okay, that's the last time we let the audience choose a name for Karou. 57 points to everyone, and $500 to the guy who made the suggestion..use it for your funeral. Let's go to a commercial break, stick around for more "Whose Line" when we get back.  
  
ACT 2  
  
Juno: Hey, welcome back to Whose Line is it Anyway? The only game show where our guests may develop bloodlust against our viewers. By the way, if you're asking about what happened earlier, it's all under control.  
  
Kaoru: Just as long as you keep your promise, I'm happy.  
  
Juno: No worries there. Let's move on with a game called "scenes from a hat" (produces a pointy steeple-crowned hat filled with little notes). This is for everyone. What happens is that before the show, we asked the audience to write suggestions for scenes they'd like to see acted out.  
  
Yahiko goes with Sano while Kenshin and Kaoru pair up.  
  
Juno: (Reaches into the hat and grabs a note) Now we'll start with ... "Things to say that would ruin a dinner party."  
  
Yahiko and Sano start off. Yahiko acts like he's enjoying beef stew  
  
Sano: Hey, did you know there's an epidemic of Mad Cow Disease going around?  
  
Yahiko clutches his mouth and runs off.  
  
Kenshin: Miss Kaoru, did you improve your garbage cooking today?  
  
Kaoru smacks Kenshin with a wooden sword and drags Kenshin off  
  
Kenshin: (dazed) Ororo.....  
  
Yahiko: This eyeball stew smells really.; it's looking right at me!  
  
Juno: "What Hajime Saitou does when no one is around".  
  
Sano looks around for a minute and puts a finger up his nose. Audience laughs.  
  
Yahiko: Are my eyes really that shifty, 'cause I wear contacts. Can't see without 'em.  
  
Kaoru: (Acts like she's doing the gatotsu, but messes up and slices her hand off) Just what I needed.I lose more hands that way.  
  
Juno: What- (stifles a laugh) "What Kenshin Himura is thinking right now".  
  
Yahiko: Ooh, Miss Kaoru. I love you so much..  
  
Everyone laughs while Kenshin and Kaoru blush to beet red.  
  
Kenshin: (Turns Battousai) I just found my next target to practice Hiten Mitsurugi on. Thanks, Yahiko.  
  
Audience groans for Yahiko.  
  
Sano: I'm a wanderer from the Meiji era, what the hell am I doing here in 2003?  
  
Kenshin: Hey Sano, want to see my new camera when this is over?  
  
Juno: Hope you had a nice life, Yahiko. Speaking of which, "painful moments in slow motion."  
  
Kaoru pulls Sano in and starts throwing darts at him. Sano exaggerates the fear and pain, of course.  
  
Yahiko pulls in Kenshin and bashes him with a wooden sword a la Kaoru  
  
Juno: Okay, that's enough. Let's move on to one of my favorite games, called "Hats". What happens is that these guys are going to use this hats and act out the world's worst dating service video. Whenever you're ready take it away.  
  
Yahiko: (in knight's helmet) Care to see what's under my hood?  
  
Laughter  
  
Kaoru: (artist's cap) Let's paint a beautiful fresco, you and I.  
  
Kenshin: (Grim Reaperhood, as Emperor Palpatine) ..and now young busu..you will kiss me..  
  
Yahiko: (Laurel crown) Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend your numbers!  
  
Laughter  
  
Sano: (Scottish cap & accent) I'll make you a mean haggis if you'll show me Nessie.  
  
The Audience groans.  
  
Kenshin: (His reverse-blade sword) I'll show you some of my secrets of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style.  
  
Audience Laughs.  
  
Yahiko: (Napoleon's hat and hand in his kimono). Want to know why they call me "The Little Conqueror?"  
  
Kaoru: (Executioner's mask) .Blindfold or Cigarette?  
  
Sano: (Chef's hat and bad Cajun accent, the hat barely fits all his hair) I guar-unn-tee! You've have a finger lickin' good time with my crawdads! (The hat rips)  
  
BZZT! *  
  
Juno: All right 11 points go to everyone but Sano for that one.  
  
Sano: You want a black eye, squirt?  
  
Juno pulls out a camera and Sano shrinks back in fear  
  
Juno: Now why did they call you Zanza, anyway?  
  
Everyone laughs while Sano sulks.  
  
Juno: Okay. We'll be right back and find out who the winner is. Don't go away!  
  
Act 3:  
  
Juno: Welcome back to "Whose Line". Tonight's winner is Kaoru Kamiya!  
  
Kaoru waves from Juno's seat.  
  
Juno: She gets to relax while we all do the "Irish Drinking Song." We all each sing a song, one line at a time, and Kaoru, what's an incident you don't normally sing about?  
  
Kaoru: "I Got beaten up by the Battousai".  
  
Kenshin blushes again. Audience Laughs and cheers.  
  
Juno: Sounds good. The "I Got beaten up by the Battousai" irish drinking song so musicians, whenever you're ready.  
  
The musicians begin playing  
  
Sano: Hey kid, what happened to you?  
  
Yahiko; I had a bad brush in earlier.  
  
Kenshin: With who?  
  
Yahiko: Well, let me tell you about it.  
  
(The singing actually begins now)  
  
Guys: Oooooooooh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy  
  
Yahiko: I was on the streets last night  
  
Juno: I wasn't in a rush.  
  
Kenshin: and then I bumped into this guy.  
  
Sano: He turned my face into mush.  
  
Yahiko: I tried to say "I'm sorry."  
  
Juno: But he didn't listen.  
  
Kenshin: He took out his nasty sword  
  
Sano: and now my brains are missing  
  
Guys: Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy  
  
Yahiko: I never forgot his face  
  
Juno: His hair was red like fire  
  
Kenshin: he also had a wicked scar  
  
Sano: He made me the new town crier  
  
Yahiko: alas, I couldn't fight back  
  
Juno: He was insanely fast.  
  
Kenshin: He smashed up half my limbs and bones  
  
Sano ..and ..uhhhhhhh  
  
Guys: Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy  
  
Yahiko: I never wanted to see him again  
  
Juno: But he chased after me  
  
Kenshin: and when he caught up to me  
  
Sano: He shattered both of my knees  
  
Yahiko: then I asked him what his name was  
  
Juno: and he said Battousai  
  
Sano: You wanna know something scary?  
  
Kenshin: (Battousai) Yahiko's gonna die!  
  
Guys: (Juno and Sano break down in laughter, Yahiko shuts up, leaving Kenshin to sing)  
Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy  
  
Oh, ay-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy-dee-dy..dee..dy..dee..dy!!!!  
  
Juno: Poor Little Yahiko! Oh, we'll be right back with more "Whose Line". Don't go anywhere.  
  
Yahiko: Hey! Stop it with the Little thing!  
  
Sano: Don't look now squirt, but I think Kenshin's serious..  
  
Yahiko: .....  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Juno: Well everyone, the show's over. I'd love to thank Kenshin and his friends for dropping by. And as promised, we have a special treat:  
  
(Two stage hands bring up a board with an unfortunate viewer tied to it while Juno hands Kaoru a bunch of throwing knives)  
  
Juno: While Kaoru practices on this victim-er, volunteer, Yahiko, you'd better start running. See you later, everybody!  
  
Yahiko runs like crazy while a wicked battousai chases him with the reverse- blade sword, and Kaoru begins to practice throwing knives at her "target."  
  
Sano: Glad it's not me up there.  
  
Kaoru: That's what he gets for calling me ugly.  
  
Jerk: Yipe! I'm sorry that I - OWWWW!!  
  
Kaoru: (all innocent) Oh, did I hit you? I'm so sorry... not!  
  
Yahiko: SOMEONE HELP MEEEE!!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: (Battousai) The more you run, the more painful your punishment shall become!!  
  
. The End?  
  
I had no idea what I was doing when I started, but what to you guys think? Do you like it? If so, post up suggestions for who you want on the next show and what kind of gags you'd like to see them perform! I'll check them out and go from there. Later! 


	2. Zidane, Misao, Soujiro, and Totosai

One quick note: Aside from Juno and Nicodemus Blackwyvern, I don't own any of the characters here, they belong to their respective owners: d I'm continuing this fic for enjoyment, no payment has been rendered and so on...blah,blah,blah,blah, blah....  
  
Nicodemus: I come from the fanfic, Kamiya Dojo Insomniacs if you want to know. Just call me "Nick" for right now.  
  
Prologue:  
  
Juno: Oh my god, that was hysterical. When can you guys do the show again?  
  
Kenshin: As soon as Miss Kaoru calms down, I fear she's still running around with daggers, that she is.  
  
Sano: Don't sweat it. The missy should be mellow by next week.  
  
Yahiko: So what now?  
  
Juno: I'm going to take some time off to recover a little.  
  
Yahiko: But who's going to be the host?  
  
Juno: My master will take care of things for a while. And he already has a show organized.  
  
Nick: Okay. Everything's in place so off you go for a while. The show must go on.  
  
Ravenf6's Who's Line Fic #2  
  
Misao, Totosai, Zidane, and Soujiro  
  
Nick: Kuut Ajahehk, Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome once again to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" On tonight's show:  
  
She's crunchy in milk, Misao Makimachi! (Misao waves at the camera)  
  
Goes great with a side of fries, Zidane Tribal! (Zidane starts eyeing a cute girl in the crowd)  
  
Wash it all down with a cup of Soujiro Seta! (Soujiro bows cheerfully)  
  
And.. boiled in his own stomach, Totosai the smithy! (half-asleep)  
  
Nick: I'm your host, Nicodemus Blackwyvern. Let's go down and get this party started.  
  
(The audience applauds loudly)  
  
Nick: (sits at the desk) Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where we all laugh at random idiocy, and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like us giving mercy to the IRS. These four guests will make up gags off the top of their heads and get awarded fakey points. At the end of the show, we pick a winner who gets do something special with me...while the losers learn dating tips from Zidane.  
  
Everyone laughs except a miffed Zidane.  
  
Zidane: Watch it Blacky. Or else you're gonna get your butt kicked.  
  
Nick: It's not my fault you can't get a date.  
  
Laughter increases  
  
Totosai: Bunch of buzzards, those IRS people. They call my breath a deadly weapon.  
  
Misao: You breathe fire for crying out loud!  
  
Nick: Okay, we've got lots of show so let's start with an all-time favorite: Questions only. This is for all four of you.  
  
Misao and Soujiro go one end while Totosai and Zidane go the other.  
  
Nick: This is a great game at a party, especially if there's no music or booze. The actors can only speak in questions, if someone screws up, I buzz them out and someone takes their place. The scene is (pulls out a card) "Single's night at a medieval castle."  
  
Misao and Totosai come first  
  
Misao: Are those frogs' eyes?  
  
Totosai: Can you not tell I'm happy to see you?  
  
Misao: Have you ever felt something hot, like a dragon's breath before?  
  
Audience: Ooh...  
  
Totosai: ...You can tell I brush with brimstone toothpaste??  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Misao: my god!- you're that- p-dammit!  
  
BZZZT!  
  
Soujiro: Did you see that cute girl just now?  
  
Totosai: ..Depends who's asking?  
  
Soujiro: . ..Did something happen to your eyes, mister?  
  
Totosai: (angry) Why does everyone keep asking about my eyes?!?!  
  
Soujiro: Do you now something I don't?  
  
Totosai:... I'm goin'  
  
BZZZ! Audience laughs, Zidane comes in  
  
Zidane: Have you tried the haggis?  
  
Soujiro: ... Are you the Black Knight?  
  
Zidane:... What if I am?  
  
Soujiro: Don't you know you're not wanted here?  
  
Zidane: You wanna fight?  
  
Soujiro: Don't you know who you're dealing with?  
  
Zidane: A strange smiley boy who can't get some?  
  
Soujiro:... I'll be back, knave!  
  
BZZZZ! Miso comes back  
  
Zidane: You want some of this? (Starts grooving)  
  
Misao: Art thou coming on to me?  
  
Zidane: Don't you know it's written on a scroll we'd meet tonight?  
  
Misao: Aren't you the chosen one who's supposed to die?  
  
Audience howls in laughter  
  
Zidane:... Is it because I'm the Black Knight, whom can get a date quick as lightning?  
  
Misao: Could it also be you have the ugliest tail in the kingdom?  
  
Audience laughs and camera focuses in Zidane's tail  
  
Zidane: ....  
  
BZZZZT! Soujiro takes over  
  
Soujiro: Are you all right, milady?  
  
Misao: (blush) My, aren't you the polite one?  
  
Soujiro: Have you heard that the Black Knight is here?  
  
Misao: (afraid) Really??  
  
Soujiro: Let us go to the tower and hide?  
  
Misao: Is it better than- ah phooey!  
  
BZZZT! Enter Totosai  
  
Totosai: ... have you ever seen a guy with a tail around here?  
  
Soujiro: Have I?  
  
Totosai: What's with the smart mouth?  
  
Soujiro: Is it the one that has teeth?  
  
Totosai:.... You cut me deep (leaves)  
  
BZZZT! You get the idea by now...  
  
Zidane: So, we meet again?  
  
Soujiro: Are you ready to taste cold steel, fiend?  
  
Zidane: Isn't that the one chick who you just talked to?  
  
Soujiro: ....no  
  
BZZZZT!  
  
Nick: That's enough. So that's 400 points to Zidane, Totosai, and Soujiro.... and 1000 to Misao for pointing out the tail  
  
Audience laughs while Zidane grumbles.  
  
Nick: Next up we have a game called Party Quirks. This is for all four of you. Misao, you're going to be hosting a party. But your guests have strange personalities written on these cards (holds up a card) and you have to try to guess who they are.  
  
Zidane looks at his card with an "Oh my god!" look  
  
Totosai looks at his card and stifles a laugh  
  
Soujiro looks at his card with an "oh dear..." look  
  
Nick: They'll come in as I ring them in (pushes doorbell) like so. Take it away.  
  
Misao: (acts like she's reading a cookbook) "marinate with 4 ½ cups of sake". This is the last time I borrow a cookbook from Sanouske.  
  
Nick and audience roar with laughter.  
  
Dingdong!  
  
Misao: Just a minute (opens a fake door) Hey! Welcome to the party!  
  
Zidane comes in and the monitor for those at home says "The Marx Brothers"  
  
Zidane: (As Groucho) Well, it's a pleasure to be here. By the way, is that a roast or are you inventing a drunken chicken style of martial arts?  
  
Misao:... Well, I'm only following the recipe.  
  
Zidane (As Chico) Ah this is a marvelous bird you got-a here. Did you pinch it off Wolfgang Puck?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Ding-dong!  
  
Misao: If you touch that bird, you two are dead men. (opens the "door") Welcome to the party!  
  
Totosai comes in and message reads: "A nervous Captain Hook who thinks Soujiro is the ticking Crocodile.  
  
Totosai: It's good to be here. (Looks around) Really good to be here. Do you have anything "Pan-fried?"  
  
Misao: Why don't you try the shish kabob?  
  
Totosai: Don't mind if I do! Mm! This is good! I never-never tasted anything so good before!  
  
Zidane: (Tries to pick-pocket Misao)  
  
Misao: Hey! Don't get any ideas, you monkey pervert.... with two personalities!  
  
Nick: Aside from the fresh part, that's not what he is.  
  
Zidane: (Groucho) I've never been so insulted in all my life. This is the craziest parody I've ever performed. (Chico) Ah, shut-a up, you stupid host who does nothing and let me work!  
  
Ding-dong!  
  
Misao: Whoever you are , try to keep the old pirate happy. (opens door) Hello there.  
  
Soujiro enters with an evil face for the monitor reads "The evil Naraku, who Thinks everyone stole his jewel shards")  
  
Soujiro: (vengefully) What's so good about it? Wish you to die?  
  
Misao: (Sweat drops) Umm did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?  
  
Soujiro: Keep that up and you'll find yourself a grave, Weasel.  
  
Totosai: Ahhh! Tick-tock, tick-tock! I hear a clock! Does anyone else hears a clock?? (looks around nervously)  
  
Soujiro: What do you know, old man?  
  
Totosai: Get away from me, you reject from a suitcase factory!  
  
Soujiro: You have something of mine, and I want it now!  
  
Misao: Try the been dip; it's to die for!  
  
Soujiro: Ever known what it's like to be devoured by thousands of demons at once?  
  
Misao:.... I'm gonna get back to you.  
  
Zidane: (Honk! Honk!) (Chico) Ooh! This is a good piece of jewelry you've got here miss  
  
Soujiro: Give me that, or I'll get you and your little dog-boy too!  
  
Misao: Okay, Mr. Angry. Simmer down while I talk to this multiple personality-disordered thief  
  
Nick: You're close. Think of an old comedy team.  
  
Misao: It is Laurel and Hardy?  
  
Nick: No. "Monkey Business", "Duck Soup" "A Night at the Opera"...  
  
Misao: Oh! The Marx Brothers!  
  
Nick: Yes! (Bzzt!)  
  
Totosai runs around the studio with Soujiro in pursuit  
  
Totosai: Go away! You already took me hand! Isn't that enough?!?  
  
Soujiro: Give me back what's mine!  
  
Misao: My god! What's the problem? (Grabs Soujiro) Listen Mr. Evil, stop chasing my guests around!  
  
Nick: Yeah, but which Mr. Evil?  
  
Misao: ... Saitou?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Nick: No but if you fell down a well, you'd hate this guy very much.  
  
Misao: Oh no! Not Naraku?!?  
  
Nick: Yes, and he's chasing everyone because he-  
  
Misao: -Someone stole his jewel shards?  
  
Nick: Got it all in one, Misao. (BZZZT!)  
  
Soujiro sits back down  
  
Totosai: Is he gone??  
  
Misao: I think so.  
  
Totosai: This makes "smee" wish I could fly, I could fly.  
  
Misao: Oh take it easy you old Captain Hook you.  
  
Nick: Close enough! (BZZZZT!) But it also said that he thinks Soujiro is the crocodile.  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Nick: Okay, that's 2000 thousand points to everyone, and a thousand more points to Misao for not getting upset at being called a Weasel. Don't go anywhere 'cause we'll be right back with more "Whose Line is it Anyway?"  
  
Act 2:  
  
Nick: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The reality show with any real meaning and/or reward to the audience. If you're still asking for more, then fear not. All things will come to those who wait. Our next game will be Multiple personalities. This game is for Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro. What'll happen is that these three are going to act out a situation, but they will have given props that associate them with a specific personality.  
  
Nick produces an antique watch, a croquet mallet, and a walking cane. Zidane takes the mallet, Misao the cane, and Soujiro gets the watch.  
  
Nick: The scene is. (Reads a card) "Three traveling explorers are passing through Wonderland, but are soon attacked by the Heartless." Now here's the fun part: whoever is holding the watch is Dave the Barbarian (Audience laughs while Soujiro blushes a deep red), whoever's holding the cane is Ganondorf (Audience roars in laughter while Misao has a 'what the hell?!" look on her face), and whoever's holding the mallet is Cookie from 'Atlantis' (Zidane laughs at the idea). So whenever you're ready...  
  
Misao: (Ganondorf) Do any of you fools know where we're going? This is the 4th time we've entered the Lotus forest!!  
  
Soujiro: (Dave) AAH!! Don't shout at me like that!  
  
Zidane: (Cookie) This sure looks like the strangest place I've seen since Albuquerque. Someone's gonna have to watch for rattlesnakes.  
  
Misao: (Ganondorf) I think we should go that way! (Swings the cane towards the back) The momraths are outgrabing!  
  
Soujiro: (Dave) No, it's dark and scary over there!  
  
(Audience howls in laughter)  
  
Misao: (Ganondorf) We'll go where I say we'll go, you pitiful worm!  
  
Soujiro: (Dave) I still think we should go see the caterpillar, give me that cane; I can't walk.  
  
Misao and Soujiro switch props.  
  
Zidane: (Cookie) Anyone up for some grub? I've got plenty to go around.  
  
Misao: (Dave) NOO!!! Anything but your cooking, I'm allergic to any kind of pain and discomfort!  
  
(Audience laughs)  
  
Zidane: (Cookie) Here. Take this, might make ya feel braver.  
  
Zidane and Misao switch.  
  
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Did any of you hear that??  
  
Zidane: (Dave) Hear what???  
  
Misao: (Cookie) Sounds like injuns! Somebody get the guns ready!  
  
Zidane: (Dave) Bejabbers!! It's a Jabberwocky!!!  
  
(Audience cheers)  
  
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Worse: it's the Heartless!!!  
  
Zidane: (Dave) I say we run!  
  
Misao: (Cookie) Saddle up partner. It's time to take out the trash!!  
  
Audience roars in laughter as all three of them act like they're fighting. Zidane clutches his chest like he's shot  
  
Zidane: (Dave) Agh! They got me!  
  
Misao: (Cookie) Dang blast it! I'll teach those varmints not to mess with us!!  
  
Soujiro: (Ganondorf) Damn are you're worthless!  
  
Soujiro hands the cane over and gets the watch.  
  
Soujiro: (Dave) Is it serious??  
  
Zidane: (Ganondorf) I'm dying, fools: Thanks for nothing, you spineless wimp.  
  
Misao: (Cookie) Maybe I oughta hold on to that cane  
  
Misao takes the cane.  
  
Soujiro: (Dave) He's dead  
  
Misao: (Cookie/Ganondorf hybrid) Well don't just stand there, you dang fool. Dig a grave before I send you to the Queen of Hearts to lose your head!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!!  
  
(Audience laughs at Misao's voice hybrid.)  
  
Nick hits the buzzer many times, ending the game. Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro return the props and sit down amidst thunderous applause)  
  
Nick: That was great. 1,000 points to everybody, and 400 points more to Misao for the best Ganondorf impersonation I've ever seen. It was so real!  
  
Totosai: Yeah, that made my skin crawl. I haven't been that scared since Sesshomauru found out about the Tenseiga.  
  
Misao: (angry) WHAT WAS THAT, OLD MAN!??  
  
Zidane: You're really cute when you get angry like that (purrs).  
  
Misao slams a fist in Zidane's face. The audience laughs as he falls over.  
  
Nick: Make that a million points more to Misao for knocking down a co-star!  
  
Zidane: Damn. She's pretty strong! (Rubs the red area on his cheek)  
  
Nick: And a 2 million-point bonus goes to Zidane for the best use of "bejabbers!" Somebody try to stop me; I'm givin' points away like there's no tomorrow!! Let's move on to a game called 'the Millionaire show'. This is for everybody. Now, Soujiro is going to be a guest on the millionaire show with Totosai as the host, Zidane as the member of the audience, and Misao as the phone-a-friend. However, this isn't a normal game show. (Turns to the audience) What I need now is a theme for the show...  
  
Audience: Beverly Hillbillies! Outer space! WarCraft!  
  
Nick: Now there's a good one! Let's do the WarCraft Millionaire show!  
  
Totosai: Welcome to the show. I'm Halfas the tired we are two questions away from awarding our chosen one a million gold coins. But if anyone goes telling what they see to the Orcs, I'll turn them into pigs and have them for dinner!  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Totosai: Now then what is your name?  
  
Soujiro: Yoric Skullchewer.  
  
Totosai: You're two questions away from winning that million gold coin prize. Art thou ready?  
  
Soujiro: I fear nothing!  
  
Totosai: Hark! Your 1st question. The best cure for scurvy is... A: blood from an orcish ax? B: troll spit? C: an enchanted orange? Or D: getting zapped by an ogre-magi's rune spell?  
  
Soujiro: Hmm. This is a tough question.  
  
Totosai: Thou has two lifelines. You can either talk to an audience member or conjure a friend.  
  
Soujiro: Methinks I shall call my friend in the audience, Jock the strap maker.  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Soujiro: He's very good at remedies. (Turns to audience) Jock! Are you there? 'Tis I, Yoric.  
  
Zidane: Hey, Yoric! What can I get for you today?  
  
Soujiro: This wizard is giving me questions-  
  
Zidane: I've got some boiled owl, some haste-in-a-bun, and a love potion-  
  
Soujiro: -Can you keep your mind off girls for a second??!?  
  
Audience laughs while Zidane gets a sour face.  
  
Soujiro: Is it A, B, C, or D?  
  
Zidane: After all the strings I pulled to get you out of the Stromgarde army, this is the thanks I get? I should have charged you for the 5-minute gout spell.  
  
Soujiro: But if I get this right, I'm on the way to claim a fortune!  
  
Zidane: its A. Leaches are always.... no, it's C. Definitely the fruit!  
  
Soujiro: Many thanks! (To Totosai) It's C.  
  
Totosai: C's your final answer?  
  
Soujiro: Yes.  
  
Totosai: ...Thou fool  
  
Soujiro: No!  
  
Totosai: thou impertinent, stupid- yeah that is the answer!  
  
Soujiro: Truly??  
  
Totosai: Yes!  
  
Audience applauds  
  
Totosai: Just one more and you'll be very rich!  
  
Soujiro: I can't wait to buy my own kingdom!  
  
Totosai: Your final question is.... The Ride of the Valkyries is... A: a magic spell? B: a famous musical piece? C: a fruity drink? Or D: what happens when paladins let their wives go to battle with them?  
  
Soujiro: Oh zounds, I was never good this. I'm going to have to conjure a friend.  
  
Totosai: Who do you want me to conjure?  
  
Soujiro: My roommate Julie. She's really smart.  
  
Totosai: As you like it. Julie come hither!  
  
Misao can be heard off stage  
  
Misao: Hello??  
  
Totosai: This is Halfas the tired. Your roommate is one question away from being a millionaire.  
  
Misao: Ooh! How exciting!  
  
Soujiro: Julie! I need help! Is it A, B, C, or D?  
  
Misao: Hey wait a minute; you owe me 500 coins for breaking my statue of Lord Aoshi!  
  
Everyone but Soujiro roars with laughter  
  
Soujiro: I keep telling you, it was a goblin sapper! I tried to stop him, cut me some slack here.  
  
Misao: Might help if I knew the question, you smiley oaf!  
  
Soujiro: It's the Ride of the Valkyries: you helped create that for God's sake!  
  
Misao: It's a song! Music thingy!  
  
Soujiro: I'll bring Aoshi himself if that's the right answer.  
  
Misao: ^-^ I'm looking forward to it! Bye!!  
  
Totosai: My word, she's excited.  
  
Soujiro: I'll go with B.  
  
Totosai: Are you sure?  
  
Soujiro: Yea.  
  
Totosai: By the gods...  
  
Soujiro: ..  
  
Totosai: Of all the crazy, pagan answers... thou art a millionaire!!  
  
Nick: (hits the buzzer and everyone gets to their seats.) That was great. A thousand points to everyone but Soujiro for running a debt.  
  
Soujiro: Hey!  
  
Nick: But it's funny Misao kept the gag going as far as she did. Our next game is called 'Three-headed Broadway star'. This is for Zidane, Misao, and Soujiro. What they do is that they sing a song from a broadway musical, but they all sing it one word at a time as a strange 3-headed broadway star.  
  
Zidane grabs a stool and sets it up while Misao and Soujiro get in position.  
  
Nick: And as a special treat, instead of picking a member from the audience, we've got a special guest they're going to sing to. Please welcome our guest tonight: he's the former leader of the Oniwaban and can wield a kodachi like a master, the always Aoshi Shinomori!  
  
Aoshi comes out on stage amidst applause and many screaming fangirls.  
  
Zidane: What do they see in him?  
  
Totosai: He's got class among a hundred things you don't have  
  
Zidane: Shut yer trap, old man!  
  
Misao: Yay!!! Lord Aoshi!! (She makes a beeline to the aforementioned and squeezes him in a bear hug.)  
  
Aoshi: (Sweat drops) Uh, Misao... I can't breathe.  
  
Misao: Oh, gomen nessai!  
  
Aoshi sits down on the stool amidst the drooling of many fangirls.  
  
Nick: Okay. Now we need the name song. Some one finish this line-  
  
Random fangirl: "Ice Blue Eyes!!"  
  
The audience applauds.  
  
Aoshi: You've got to be kidding me...  
  
Nick: ......Okay. When you're ready, let's hear the hit broadway song, "Ice Blue Eyes."  
  
Soothing ballad music starts playing.  
  
Zidane: You've..  
  
Misao: Got..  
  
Soujiro: Such ..  
  
Zidane: Beautiful  
  
Misao: blue  
  
Soujiro: eyes...  
  
Zidane: I ...  
  
Misao: think..  
  
Soujiro: they're  
  
Zidane: repugnant...  
  
The fan girls boo at Zidane.  
  
Misao: When  
  
Soujiro: I  
  
Zidane: look  
  
Misao: at  
  
Soujiro: them  
  
Zidane: I  
  
Misao: melt  
  
Soujiro: like  
  
Zidane: ...butter...  
  
Audience laughs while Aoshi sweat drops.  
  
Misao: people  
  
Soujiro: don't have—  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Zidane: such eyes  
  
Misao: as  
  
Soujiro: ...cool  
  
Zidane: as  
  
Misao: yours..  
  
Soujiro: your  
  
Zidane: eyes  
  
Misao: can  
  
Soujiro: scare  
  
Zidane: away  
  
Misao: lawyers.  
  
More laughter.  
  
Soujiro: I  
  
Zidane: wish  
  
Misao: that  
  
Soujiro: I  
  
Zidane: had  
  
Soujiro: such  
  
Zidane: great  
  
Misao: eyes  
  
Zidane: so  
  
Misao: that  
  
Soujiro: I  
  
Zidane: Can  
  
Misao stare  
  
Soujiro: at  
  
Zidane: yooouuuu..  
  
More laughter.  
  
Misao: Piercing!  
  
Soujiro: Cold!  
  
Zidane: Bloodshot!  
  
Misao/Zidane/Soujiro harmonizing: Ice blue eyes.........  
  
Music stops, audience applauds and Nick hits the buzzer:  
  
Nick: That was both strange and very entertaining. 500 points go to everyone, minus 300 to Zidane for trying to destroy the song.  
  
Zidane: That's it; you and me, after the show!  
  
Nick: Better bring some life insurance, punk. (To the audience) Let's hear it for our guest, Aoshi Shinomori. It was a pleasure having you on the show.  
  
Aoshi: Don't think much of it.  
  
Misao: - Awww, you're going already??  
  
Aoshi: I have to. I just got word that the Kamiya woman is going berserk back in Tokyo and that the Battousai needs help with it.  
  
Misao: (thundering like a fog horn) HIS NAME'S NOT 'BATTOUSAI!" IT'S KENSHIN!!!!  
  
Nick: Good luck Aoshi, and keep me posted.  
  
Aoshi: As you wish.  
  
Nick: Now sit tight folks; we're going to pick our winner after a quick break. So stick around for more "Whose Line!"  
  
1 quick break later...  
  
Act3:  
  
Nick: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it anyway?" Tonight's winner is Soujiro Seta!  
  
Soujiro settles into the host's seat.  
  
Nick: While Soujiro relaxes. All four of us are going to do a game called "Quick Change." What happens is that Misao, Totosai, and I are going to act out a scene like normal. But when prompted by Zidane, the current speaker has to say something completely different than before the intervention. Now we need the name of a place with a sense of urgency.  
  
Soujiro takes out a card.  
  
Soujiro: "The captain and his lackeys on the deck on an English warship, moments before the battle against the Spanish Invincible Armada."  
  
Nick: How's our stock of powder and shots?  
  
Totosai: I was supposed to take inventory?  
  
Misao: You moron! We're going into battle and you're sawing logs.  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Misao: I'm trying to cook dinner and here you are releasing the chickens!  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Totosai: Those birds are getting tired of being cooped up so I let them out for some air.  
  
Nick: Would you both calm down? The armada is close by.  
  
Totosai: Yikes, we'd better pipe down.  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Totosai: Wow! We'd better fire a warning shot!  
  
Misao: You've lost it for sure!  
  
Nick: Quiet!..... Load the cannons.  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Nick: Quick, stuff all the gunpowder down my pants!  
  
Misao: Are you crazy??  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Misao: Where do I start?  
  
Totosai: Agh! Do you hear that?  
  
Misao: You mean the sound of a cannonball whistling through the air?  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Misao: Isn't that the pizza boy arriving?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Nick: You fool. It's the 16th century: Pizza hasn't been introduced to England yet!  
  
Zidane: Change  
  
Nick: Did you order one with ham and pineapple? That's my favorite.  
  
Totosai: It's the Spanish ships! They're opening fire!  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Totosai: They're throwing a party!  
  
Misao: What did I do to get on a crew like this?  
  
Zidane: Change.  
  
Misao: (Stares daggers at Zidane) What will I do to the guy when I find him and hang him by his tail?  
  
Soujiro hits the buzzer.  
  
Nick: We'll be right back with more "Whose Line." Don't go anywhere!  
  
Epilogue  
  
Nick and Zidane are on stage  
  
Nick: Welcome back. Before we get to the credits, I'm expecting an important call (A cell phone rings) Hello?.... Oh how did it go?..... Really?..... Alrighty. (Puts the phone away) That was Aoshi; the Kaoru Crisis has been averted!  
  
Audience cheers.  
  
Nick: Unfortunately, not as well as planned.  
  
Zidane: (takes out his daggers) So you're ready for a world of hurt?  
  
Nick: (Takes out a claymore) If you folks are asking, about the credits, I'll tell you: Zidane and I are going to shout insults and threats at each other while we're fighting. See you next time!  
  
Zidane: (charges) Every Arthur Forrest I've met, I've annihilated!  
  
Nick: With a breath like Dan Patterson's, I'm sure they've all suffocated!  
  
Zidane: Take this!  
  
They both disappear in a cloud of dust, weapons flying everywhere.  
  
Nick: That tears it; I'll show you my Mark Levison technique!!  
  
Zidane: Wise guy! Don't make me pull a Drew Carey on you!  
  
Nick: Impressive, but can it beat my Wayne Brady?  
  
Totosai: So what do you make of this?  
  
Misao: I don't want to get involved.  
  
Soujiro: Me neither...(To the reader) if you'd like to see more craziness, please leave a review!  
  
Misao: OR I'LL SMASH YOU LIKE A BUG!!!!!!!  
  
Ravenf6: If there is a character you'd like to see from a favorite game or anime appear on the show, drop me a line in the review page and I'll try to accommodate you in future chapters.  
  
Misao: AND YOU'D BETTER LEAVE A REVIEW IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!  
  
Ravenf6: Okay Misao, calm down. I think the nice people got the message.  
  
Misao: Will you do another show where Lord Aoshi and I will do a sketch?  
  
Ravenf6: That is very foreseeable.  
  
Misao hugs ravenf6  
  
Ravenf6: (choking)Uh, Misao. While I appreciate your expression of joy, I like breathing very much.  
  
Misao: Oops, sorry!/\_/\!  
  
Ravenf6: Next time up, I'm hosting! Be there when more insanity erupts, plus I'm having a very special guest on the show. See ya next time! 


	3. Kenshin, Cid, Inuyasha, and Maleficent

Standard disclaimer issues apply. Aside from Juno and Nick, I don't own ANY of the characters (guests or parodies, etc.) on the show or "Whose Line" for that matter, or tonight's special guest.  
  
Ravenf6: En taro Adun Ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another edition of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On tonight's show:  
  
He speaks softly and has wild red hair, Kenshin Himura!  
  
Has cat-ears and carries a really big sword, Inuyasha!  
  
Speaks frankly and carries a sharp stick, Cid Highwind!  
  
And...  
  
Speaks sinisterly and carries a magic stick, Maleficent the sorceress!  
  
I'm your host, Ravenf6, let's go and have some fun!  
  
Audience applauds loudly as ravenf6 gets to his throne at the desk.  
  
Ravenf6: Welcome once again to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like Rogaine to Inuyasha.  
  
Inuyasha: What the hell did you say??  
  
Ravenf6: SIT!!  
  
Inu goes splat on the floor.  
  
Cid: Whoa, that's something you don't see everyday...  
  
Everyone laughs uproariously except for Maleficent who laughs wickedly.  
  
Ravenf6: Kagome's not the only one with a way with words. If you forgot how this show works, these four are going to perform off the top of their heads, get awarded fakey points, and at the end we pick a winner. The winner gets to do something special with me while the loser has to be Maleficent's next guinea pig.  
  
More laughter.  
  
Inuyasha: That's it, I'm outta here. There's no way I'm sticking around here (starts to leave but finds something missing...).  
  
Ravenf6: (holds up a familiar beaten up-looking sword) You will if you want the Tetsusaiga back. (Inu shuts up). I'd like to thank our guests for being here tonight. Especially to Kenshin who was generous enough to come back.  
  
Kenshin: It is no trouble at all, Raven. That it is not. I just wished that Miss Kaoru didn't have that hammer when she went crazy.  
  
Ravenf6: I know. Aoshi told me all about it.  
  
Inuyasha: Don't tell me you have respect for this jerk?  
  
Kenshin: I wouldn't say such things, Inuyasha. This one can do all sorts of things unimaginable  
  
Cid: Yeah, this kid can turn ya inside out in a heartbeat so sit down and shut up you son-of-a-  
  
Ravenf6: -Watch your mouth: even if he is one in a weird kind of sense, you can't say THAT word here!  
  
Inuyasha: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?  
  
Maleficent: You would be wise to watch your tongue, half-demon. As writer of this piece of fiction, his powers surpass even my own.  
  
Ravenf6: Moving on, let's start with a game called "News Reporters". This is for everyone. Inuyasha, you're going to be the host on a news show but your three co-stars aren't normal reporters. Maleficent and Cid) Maleficent's going to be your co-reporter, she's a cold-hearted dog trainer.  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Ravenf6: Kenshin's going to do sports, he's gradually turning into a sea lion. And Cid will be doing the weather; he turns into the incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to stop his swearing. So when you're ready, take it away.  
  
Music: News show type theme.  
  
Inuyasha: Welcome to the 7 o'clock news. I'm your host, Gonnakill Someonelater.  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Inuyasha: Covering our top story, the unthinkable has happened as Dragonball Z fans have begun a campaign of world domination.  
  
Audience roars with laughter  
  
Inuyasha: Apparently this was stemmed from collective vengeance against those who would oppose their values and say that the anime series itself sucks. We turn to my co-anchor Anita Booze with more on this story.  
  
Monitor reads "cold-hearted dog obedience trainer".  
  
Maleficent: Don't speak unless I tell you.  
  
Inuyasha: What?  
  
Maleficent: And I thought I told you to stop chewing on my books! (Zaps Inuyasha with a lightning spell)  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Inuyasha: Take it easy, I was just asking about the news.  
  
Maleficent: Lay down you pathetic mongrel, unless you want the choke chain again.  
  
Inuyasha: ... I think I need a vacation. Let's see what's happening in sports with Scarface Mcmutton. Scarface?  
  
Kenshin: (Monitor reads "Gradually turns into a playful sea lion".) Hmm. In today's sports, the Cleveland Browns will not be playing in the 2005 playoffs. My sources say that the players and coaches committed suicide and (barks like a sea lion). Oro (sweat drops)... what I meant to say was that (acts like he's balancing a ball on his nose) they died from the shame- (Barks again, audience laughs) No, no, no! I was just- (starts making choking noises) can't...stop...thinking...about ... fish!!! Gomen nessai viewers but I'm- (goes completely sea lion, barking and clapping fins. Audience roars with laughter as ravenf6 holds out a fish and Kenshin waddles up to it trying to get it.)  
  
Inuyasha: (sweat drops) This just in: Sea lion reporters make ratings soar.  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Maleficent: (smacks Inuyasha with her staff) Bad dog! No dinner for you tonight. I don't know why I'm bothering with you.  
  
Inuyasha: (angry scowl) This just in: I'm gonna kick someone's ass! But first let's check out the weather with Stu Pididiot. Stu?  
  
Monitor: "Turns into the Incredible Hulk after one too many attempts made to shut up his profanity"  
  
Cid: Thank you very much. (Starts lighting a cigarette) Today, we're experiencing a heat wave in California, mostly due to the fires and- (turns to the side and talks to an invisible person) –whaddya mean I can't smoke here?? Audience laughs.  
  
Cid: What?? A lawsuit?? Ah (bleep! Bleep!) Stupid- (urk!)... Moving on, you should watch for signs of rain as you drive home tonight- what now?? What?! I can't swear either?? Damn Disney suits, I'll say (Bleep!) as much as I (Bleep!) want, you sons-of- (Bleep! Bleep!) ... Uh-oh.... (Starts staggering about the area clutching his chest) No.. Not now.. I can't – rrrrr.. RRAGGH!!!! (Tears his shirt open, and turns huge and green). HULK MAD!! HULK SMASH!!! (Starts smashing anything he can get his hands on) ME SMASH ANY WHO STOP ME TALKING!!! (Turns to Kenshin and roars) Hulk no like sea lions!!! (Kenshin sweat drops while the brute advances on him)  
  
Ravenf6: hits the buzzer but Cid is still in 'Hulk' mode.  
  
Inuyasha: Hey, are there any jewel shards on this guy?  
  
Ravenf6: No there aren't-this is Cid's latent rage pent up from his Kingdom Hearts period!! (Ducks to avoid getting hit with a flying chair) Security!  
  
Audience starts laughing and screaming as Cid continues his rampage-on-the- stage. Inuyasha tries to use Iron Reaver Soul Stealers on Cid while Maleficent conjures up defender heartless to restrain the mad pilot. Kenshin tries Hiten Mitsurugi but nothing affects Cid until he snaps and reverts back to his not-really-mild-mannered self.  
  
Cid: (heavy breathing) .... Back to you.  
  
Inuyasha: This just in, Survivor finally gets cancelled. Thank you, and good night!  
  
Audience is silent for a moment but soon applauds like crazy.  
  
Ravenf6: Wow... if I had a diamond for every time someone went berserk. 1000 points to everyone, and a new airplane to the best Hulk in the world, Cid Highwind!  
  
Cid: Aww, it was no big deal. (Puts on a new shirt and his pilot's jacket)  
  
Ravenf6: That will go down in history: you da man, Cid! (gives him the thumbs-up)  
  
Kenshin: I'm so glad Miss Karou doesn't transform when she gets mad.  
  
Ravenf6: Our next game is 'film noir'. This one's for Inuyasha and Maleficent (both of them come down on the stage. These two are going to act out a monologue film-noir scene like an old 1940's movie. (Turns to the audience) Now what I need a weird place for a film noir scene?  
  
Various audience members (VAM for short): Library! Comic book store! Roman palace!  
  
Ravenf6: Roman palace it is! So when you two are ready, take it away.  
  
Music: blues-type music  
  
Inuyasha: (steps out) I've been on the trail of the evil Empress Oldrench for 50 years.  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Inuyasha: All clues lead to ancient Rome, and now it's time for me to slay her. (Steps back and talks normal) Hey, you. Have you seen an ugly old hag named Oldrench?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Maleficent: (steps out) I knew he was talking about. But what he didn't know was that I'm the ugly lady who can kill him with a thought... but I decided to play along. (Steps back in) Who wants to know?  
  
Inuyasha: Would you believe a solicitor? (Steps out) It was then I made my first mistake: No one likes a solicitor...I sell hair products as a side business.  
  
Ravenf6 and audience laugh  
  
Maleficent: (steps out) why would I need hair products? I'm a dark sorceress bent on causing pain and misery. I'm wearing a horned headdress: is he THAT blind?  
  
More laughter.  
  
Maleficent: (Still monologue) But I found a good use for him. (Steps in) No, but.. Are those real cat ears?  
  
Even more laughter  
  
Inuyasha: (Steps out) Why does everyone try to touch my ears?? This was the last straw; if anyone else messes with my ears, they're getting a date with death! (Steps in) What's that behind you??  
  
Maleficent turns around while Inuyasha takes out an invisible dagger.  
  
Maleficent: (Steps out) I knew who he was: a bad-tempered test subject who escaped 50 years ago. I can never forget his face; He was never one for grooming. (Steps in) I saw that!  
  
The two of them start wrestling over the 'dagger'. But Maleficent gets it  
  
Maleficent: Aha! I've got you now!  
  
Inuyasha: Damn! (Steps out) Everything was going as planned. Now it was time to unleash my secret weapon. (Steps in and puts head phones on the sorceress and starts a walkman  
  
Maleficent: AGH! MICHAEL BOLTEN MUSIC!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! (starts collapsing)  
  
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer and audience applauds.  
  
Ravenf6: That was pretty cool. A hundred points go to Kenshin and Cid for that one.  
  
Inuyasha: What?? They did nothing!  
  
Ravenf6: You lost the points for using the Forbidden music. But you get this back: (throws the Tetsusaiga into the stage.)  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Ravenf6: So now, we'll take a commercial break. Stick around for more "Whose Line": don't go away.  
  
Act 2:  
  
Audience applauds  
  
Ravenf6: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it, anyway?" The show where points are made up and none of the contestants have to answer impossible questions to get ahead. Before we get to our next game, I have a surprise. This next game is called living scenery, this one's for Kenshin and Cid, and will be assisted by two special guests. If you folks remember, I was a once a guest on another 'Whose Line' fic. These two guys made a request to be on the show and I was more than happy to grant it. One of them is the host of the aforementioned fic and the other is a young, but brilliant writer whose works inspire me to continue this fic. Please give it up ladies and gentlemen for Alex Puleo and Fanfic writer, Key16!!  
  
Everyone applauds as ravenf6, Key16, and Alex shake hands.  
  
Ravenf6: Welcome to the show.  
  
Key16: It's good to be here, raven.  
  
Alex: Man, we had a lot of fun last time.  
  
Ravenf6:I'll say. It was pure comedic genius.  
  
Alex: Remember about that duet song with Tidus and Yuna?  
  
Ravenf6: Oh yeah, I'll never forget that one.  
  
Inuyasha: Can we get on with it already!!!??  
  
Ravenf6: (snaps his finger and a anvil is tied to Inuyasha's head) SIT!!  
  
Inu goes splat again, only this time through the floor.  
  
Ravenf6: We sure did. Having Hades as Wakka practically slayed me. Now then, these two will help out in game called "Living scenery." What happens is that Key and Alex will be acting out a scene, but the problem is someone took all the props. So now they have to use Kenshin as Cid as all the props instead.  
  
Kenshin: It's good to be working with you two. Your fics are very funny, that they are.  
  
Alex: You think so?  
  
Cid: My god, that was crazy. Especially that "What are you trying to say?" one. I never thought anyone would be as angry as I was.  
  
Ravenf6: Yeah, who'd have thought Sora had it in him?  
  
Maleficent: As much as you four would like to stroll down memory lane, I must remind you that the show must go on.  
  
Ravenf6: Too true. Now what I need from the audience is the name of a place you would go on a vacation.  
  
VAM: Hawaii! Theme park! Las Vegas!  
  
Ravenf6: Say, that's a good one; I've got a trip planned passing through that way in a few weeks anyway. So let's start the scene...  
  
Alex is snoring on the floor with Cid on top of him like a comforter. Key 16 comes in with Kenshin's arms wrapped around him like a bathrobe. Audience laughs  
  
Key16: Hey, Alex. It's time to get up.  
  
Alex:??? Oh, is it morning already? (Throws Cid off him and gets up)  
  
Key16: Yeah, you sure had a lot to drink last night.  
  
Alex: (Goes to a 'sink', turning Cid's goggles to get some water) So ... what are we going to do today?  
  
Key 16: Well, I was thinking we could do some gambling. But we've gotta take a bus first.  
  
Cid and Kenshin squat down on their knees to make a 'bus'.  
  
Alex: Okay. I feel lucky right now. Hey, this bus isn't going anywhere. Go see what's wrong with it.  
  
Key16 gets out  
  
Key16: Oh no wonder: This bus' got a flat. Let me just fix it  
  
Key16 starts lifting Kenshin's ponytail like it was a car jack, with him rising with each lift. Key16 takes Cid and Curls him up behind Kenshin  
  
Audience cheers, Ravenf6 doubles over with laughter  
  
Key16: There, this new tire should do it.  
  
Alex: Let's go!  
  
The whole group goes slowly to simulate a bus taking off for a minute  
  
Alex: Okay, we're here. Where do you wanna start?  
  
Key 6: I think I'll try the slots.  
  
Key goes up to Cid and raises his arm.  
  
Key16: Come on 7s!  
  
Cid starts shaking like a blender  
  
Key 16: All right!!!! (Starts scooping the money in his pockets)  
  
Alex: I'll go for the dice table (grabs Kenshin by the neck and starts shaking him) come on 6! Daddy needs a new keyblade! (Throws Kenshin to the floor. Dammit! Snake eyes! Let's try it again (picks up Kenshin and starts anew) let's see a 6 or I'll crush you like a grape!  
  
Kenshin: (turning blue and swirly-eyed) Orororo....@-@x  
  
Audience laughs as Alex throws down the 'dice'.  
  
Alex: Yes!!! I know what I'm getting, a new Diamond Dust model!  
  
Key16: That was fun. Let's get a drink  
  
Alex: Okay, I'm gonna try the Swiftus special (holds Kenshin's head like a giant chalice and takes a 'drink'  
  
Ravenf6 cracks up while Audience applaud wildly  
  
Alex: (spits out something) Ugh! What kinda crap was that? It tastes like vomit! I wanna see the bartender!  
  
Cid gets up and crosses his arms in an evil 'don't mess with me' attitude.  
  
Key 16: Well, here he is! Why don't you tell him??  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Alex: (Sweat drops) Ummm there's something I gotta tell ya... (Grabs Kenshin by his feet and holds him like a giant baseball bat.  
  
Kenshin: (Wide-eyed) Oro!?!??!  
  
Alex: YOUR DRINKS SUCK!!! (Hammers Cid With Kenshin's noggin, both of them collapse in a heap)  
  
Ravenf6: (peers over the desk) Oh my God, You killed Kenshin!  
  
Many fangirls in the audience: YOU BASTARDS!!!!  
  
Ravenf6 hits the buzzer many times, ending the game. Inuyasha and Maleficent are laughing their heads off  
  
Ravenf6: Whew! I'm glad that's over. A thousand points to Alex for using Kenshin like a club, and a million to Key16 for the best tire job I've ever seen. You okay, Kenshin?  
  
Kenshin: (swirly-eyed) Mommy, make the room stop spinning, please? (Reverts to normal self with a splitting headache.) I hope I never have to do that again., that one really hurts...  
  
Cid: p. And people called you the Battousai??? What a wimp...  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Ravenf6: That was both amazing and slightly crazy.  
  
Key16: A diamond dust keyblade?? I've never seen that in Kingdom Hearts.  
  
Alex: I heard it was a rumor, but I've never found it.  
  
Ravenf6: That's because it's in the Final Mix version. Along with a lot of cool Japan-exclusive stuff, it's something we'll never see in the States.  
  
Key16: Aw, that sucks!  
  
Kenshin: Don't worry, I can grab a copy after the show's over and you can check it out.  
  
Ravenf6: Since when do you own a PS2, Kenshin?  
  
Kenshin: Miss Kaoru really likes the Modern Era. She says it's easier to make Yahiko and Sanouske do their chores, that she does.  
  
Audience sweat drops at the thought of what tortures Karou can use with modern technology  
  
Ravenf6:. ...Okay. Let's hear it for Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!  
  
Everyone applauds  
  
Ravenf6: Our next game is one I've been looking forward to doing for quite sometime: "HOEDOWN!!"  
  
Audience cheers wildly  
  
Ravenf6: This is for everyone, with help from tonight's guest, the Tantalus Thieves Band, Ladies and Gentleman!  
  
Inuyasha: Wasn't Laura Hall supposed to play tonight?  
  
Ravenf6: Yeah, but she called in sick so Zidane pulled some strings before he left.  
  
Maleficent: You mean we have to SING?? That's it; I'm out of here (starts leaving)  
  
Ravenf6: Whoa! Wait a second, Maleficent. You don't have to go, singing is like magic.  
  
Maleficent: (stops) What do you mean?  
  
Ravenf6: Remember that "Thorn Forest" spell you did in the 50's?  
  
Maleficent: Yes. What about it?  
  
Ravenf6: It's the same thing, only your incantation is done to music.  
  
Maleficent: Oh, very well. I suppose no harm would come of it.  
  
Ravenf6: That's the spirit. Now what I need from the Audience is the name of something that would scare the life out of you.  
  
VAM: Lawyers! Teen Movies! Resident Evil!  
  
Ravenf6: Ooh! That sounds interesting. So when the musicians start playing, let's hear the "Resident Evil" Hoedown.  
  
Music: Hoedown music  
  
Cid: Oh, I was in a mansion, armed only with a dagger. But then I saw something; it looked just an ugly cadaver. I crept up right behind it, but I screamed just like a banshee 'a. The creature turned around and I noticed it's a bloodthirsty Inuyasha!  
  
Audience laughs as veins pop up on Inuyasha's head and his eyes turn blood red.  
  
Kenshin: Monsters and zombies, all around the house. Let me tell you something, it's getting to be a louse. Moaning and screaming, I wanna close my lid, but I guess it's to be expected when I invited over Cid.  
  
Audience cheers as Cid turns an annoyed red.  
  
Inuyasha: Walking undead things, they don't bother me. I kill them for a living, and boy what a glee. It really is a lot of fun but this makes me rather mangy. But I've only felt real fear when Kagome gets angry!  
  
Audience roars in laughter.  
  
Maleficent: One of my hobbies is raising the dead. When people come over, it fills them with dread; running around and screaming, looking for ammo and that-hard-to find key, I can't tell you how many times I go through the halls and smelled nothing but pee!  
  
Everyone: (together) smelled nothing but pee!  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Ravenf6: Don't go away, when we get back, we'll find out who the winner is on more 'Whose Line is it Anyway?"  
  
Act 3:  
  
Inuyasha and Maleficent watch from the desk. Alex and Puleo are sitting on stools.  
  
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway?" Tonight's winners are Alex Puleo and Key16!  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Ravenf6:And now for the last game, we'll be doing 'Duet. This one's for Kenshin and me, and we'll be singing to Alex and Key like a Vaudeville duo.  
  
Alex: You're going to sing??  
  
Ravenf6: What? It can't be any worse than Kenshin's debut at the circus?  
  
Kenshin turns a bright shade of red as the audience laugh out loud.  
  
Key16: Hey, give the poor guy a break.  
  
Ravenf6: Like what you guys did to him earlier?  
  
Audience laughs even louder while Kenshin rubs a small lump on his head  
  
Ravenf6: All right, let's start this before the Mistress of all evil goes berserk.  
  
Tantalus band starts play vaudeville-style music.  
  
Ravenf6: Hey, Mr. Kenshin!  
  
Kenshin: Yes, Mr. Raven?  
  
Ravenf6: I gotta tell you about two swell guys.  
  
Kenshin: Really?  
  
Ravenf6: Yeah, they do anything they want 'cause one of them is a fan fic writer.  
  
Kenshin: Who's the other one?  
  
Ravenf6: A host and aspirin' Keyblade Master.  
  
Kenshin: Well then let's hear it!  
  
(The singing begins along with some dancing from Kenshin and Ravenf6)  
  
Ravenf6: Sometimes while travelin' the net at high speed... I often like something good to read...  
  
And if I want something that ain't boring or obscene, I always read from my buddy, Key16!  
  
His "Whose Line's' specialty is Kingdom Hearts... Gatherin' folks from worlds far apart... His fics make me smile like most gentle rain, I wonder if you can get Sepiroth to cry like a girl again?  
  
Key16 and Alex laugh  
  
Kenshin: But do not forget about Alex, For no one can host as good as he. I heard that he gets real scary When he gets upstaged by that big fat Drew Carey  
  
The audience laughs.  
  
Ravenf6: There's somethin' that I can remember... The last time that we were together... You had Yuna goin' on a major hittin' spree Let me ask ya somethin', why didin't ya have her kiss me??  
  
Everyone laughs  
  
Kenshin: But wait now, you shouldn't be so angry... 'cause this guy unlike Inu, ain't so mangy.  
  
He can take up little bits and turn them into gold Maybe you'll get Juno to have his fortune told!  
  
Audience cheers  
  
Ravenf6: Key!  
  
Kenshin: Alex!  
  
Ravenf6: Key!  
  
Kenshin: Alex!  
  
Ravenf6: Goin' hand in hand just like peanut butter and jelly!  
  
Kenshin: You don't wanna mess with them if you are full of malice.  
  
Ravenf6: They'll beat the crap out of you and it's impossible to rhyme with Alex! Hey!  
  
Cid beats Maleficent to the buzzer and the audience cheers wildly.  
  
Ravenf6: Key16 and Alex Puleo, everyone!!!  
  
Key16 and Alex take a bow among wild applause  
  
Kenshin: We'll be right back in a minute with more 'Whose Line." That we will. Don't go away (Turns Battousai) unless you want an early grave!! (Get's whacked in the head by a giant frying pan and goes wide-eyed again). Ororooooooo....X-Xx (crumples to the floor.)  
  
Ravenf6: Hey, hasn't the poor guy suffered enough?  
  
Key16: (hides the frying pan behind his back) He was threatening to kill the readers.  
  
Ravenf6: Good point.  
  
Alex: Can I hit him?  
  
Ravenf6: As long as you don't give the pan to Inuyasha  
  
Inuyasha: I don't need no stinkin' pan when I've got Tetsusaiga. Now I can rip that excuse of a samurai apart.  
  
VAM: SIT, BOY!!!  
  
Inuyasha gets pulled face first to the ground again.  
  
Inuyasha: Dammit, I hate that word!  
  
Cid: Serves ya right you stubborn mutt.  
  
Credits:  
  
Ravenf6 is at the desk while Alex and Key16 are on the stage.  
  
Ravenf6: Welcome back to 'Whose Line is it Anyway." We're going to end the show with Alex and Key16 reading the credits. It's been a real honor having you guys on the show.  
  
Key16: Likewise, raven.  
  
Alex: Yeah, it's been a lot of fun.  
  
Ravenf6: Keep on eye on these young pups, ladies and gentleman. Key's got some good fan fiction in his repertoire. Now you two are going to read the credits as two Vikings who are pillaging and plundering. We'll see you later, ladies and gentlemen.  
  
Key and Alex act like fierce Vikings with big weapons  
  
Key16: All right you Mark Levisons, gives us all your gold!  
  
Alex: Dan Patterson, you better run if you know what's good for you!  
  
Cid comes out trying to fight them alone.  
  
Key16: Oh, we've got a foolish Greg Proops who thinks he can stop us.  
  
Alex: Should we hang him by his Ryan Stiles?  
  
Key16: ('stabs' Cid and slings him over the shoulder) Naw, Arthur's getting sick. He's throwing up in the Forrest.  
  
Alex: Laura Hall can just give up her jewels if she wants to live.  
  
Key16: That Inuyasha ain't so tough.  
  
Inuyasha jumps to the stage, Tetsusaiga in hand.  
  
Inuyasha: You gotta death wish, pal?  
  
Key16: Bring it on, mutt face!  
  
Alex: Give 'em blood and Wayne Brady!  
  
Key, Alex, and Inuyasha vanish into a giant cloud of dust fighting it out.  
  
Inuyasha: You wish Colin Mochrie was here right now, don't you?  
  
Alex: He's got better hair than you, InuTrasha!  
  
Inuyasha: That's it: You're dead!  
  
Ravenf6: Please let it be known that none of the actors ended up in grave injuries. Key16 is alive and well, Alex is still serving his hosting duties, and Inuyasha.... well.. Words escape me, but he's taking some time off... in a body cast. Read and Review people! I'm gonna take some time off for a little while, my older sister's having a baby so I'm gonna be on vacation for a couple of weeks, don't know if I'm going to continue during then. Reviews in the mean time are greatly appreciated in the mean time though. It means a lot to know some one cares about what we folks can come up with. 


	4. Misao, Aoshi, Saitou, Battousai, and a t...

Well, it looks like I'm going to be doing some writing on vacation after all. Standard disclaimer applies; I don't own RK, Whose Line Is it, Anyway? Anyone you've never heard of, they belong to me, I don't own anything or anyone else mentioned here  
  
Before we go underway, you may have read how I left to see my sister's child.  
  
I'm afraid I have bad news...: complications arose and alas, the baby didn't make it. Even though she's gone to the beyond, I can still keep her memory alive. Therefore, I dedicate this chapter to my late niece, Isabelle Estella Arthurs-  
  
I'll miss you more than words can say, rest in peace my dear child.....  
  
How ironic that I put something like this up before a comedy, but now I must move on for her sake. And so I continue this fic with new resolution. A person cannot dwell on tragedy and forget to live, at least that's how I feel. Man, it feels good to get that off my chest, let us now resume what we've come for: Laughs by the bowl full!!!  
  
Another note, I may sometimes include side stories behind the scenes like in this chapter.  
  
Chapter 4: Misao, Aoshi, Saitou, and Battousai  
  
Prologue:  
  
Back stage in the studio. Ravenf6 is in an office, reading a letter when someone knocks on the door.  
  
Ravenf6: Come in.  
  
The door opens and Juno steps in.  
  
Juno: You wanted to see me?  
  
ravenf6: Yes. Can you help me with the show for a while?  
  
Juno: Is something the matter?  
  
Ravenf6: You could say that. I just got a letter from Key16, and it says here he wants to do a 10th show anniversary fic.  
  
Juno: That's good!  
  
Ravenf6: But it's gonna take some time to get it done.  
  
Juno: That's bad...  
  
Ravenf6: But I've made several guests arrangements to fill the coming shows (hands Juno a list).  
  
Juno: That's good! (starts reading the list)  
  
Ravenf6: But I can only pick four stars and a sidekick for it.  
  
Juno:...  
  
Ravenf6:... that's bad...  
  
Juno: Can I go now? The show's going to start.  
  
Another knock  
  
Ravenf6: Come in  
  
Kenshin comes in with a huge lump on his head  
  
Juno: Good god, Kenshin! What happened to you?  
  
Kenshin: I've got a headache the size of a house! I now someone requested Battousai the Manslayer to be on the show, but I can't do it in this condition; the strain would be too much for me!  
  
Ravenf6: (sweat drops) ... Okay, go take some time off for now. I'll extract the Battousai from your psyche and give him physical form for the time being.  
  
Kenshin: Do you think that's such a good idea?  
  
Ravenf6: Juno, can you send for today's host?  
  
Juno: Sure. (Leaves)  
  
Ravenf6: Alrighty, let's start the separation process. Now I need you to brace yourself, Kenshin, this might sting a bit (takes out a scary-looking sickle)  
  
Kenshin: Ah.. Wait, raven. Let's not do anything hasty...(raven poises to strike) ...oh, no..  
  
The next e is cut off by a large explosion... A few seconds later the door opens. Juno enters the room, very wide-eyed. From his perspective, we see three forms splatted against the walls covered in soot.  
  
Juno: Is everything all right in here?  
  
Ravenf6: (peels off the wall and dusts himself off) Hmm. I wasn't expecting the room to be covered in ash. Hey Kenshin, you okay?  
  
Kenshin: (peels off as well) was that really necessary?  
  
The last guy peels off the wall and dusts himself off he looked like Kenshin's mirror image except he wore a blue gi and white hakama. Also, his eyes were a burning red.  
  
Battousai: What the hell was that, a cannon?  
  
Kenshin: Oh my god, it worked.  
  
Battousai: I'm ... separate? (Grins wickedly) Now I can kill as much as I please!  
  
Battousai starts to leave but Ravenf6 stops him in his tracks.  
  
Ravenf6: Not so fast, Battousai the Manslayer. You'll only be around for a while.  
  
Battousai: And who are you to speak to me like that?  
  
Ravenf6: the writer of this fic. You're going to be on tonight's show.  
  
Kenshin: Wow, I never thought of myself as being that scary during the revolution.  
  
Battousai: Oh shut up, you sad excuse of a samurai!  
  
Ravenf6: Settle down, you guys. This is only temporary.  
  
Battousai: No, I rather like being separate. No more regrets or laundry for me!  
  
Ravenf6: Even though you are the legendary manslayer, you would do well not to upset me.  
  
Battousai: Or else what?  
  
Ravenf6: (whispers into Battousai's ear)  
  
Battousai: YOU WOULDN'T!?!! ... all right, I do it.  
  
Kenshin: What did you say to him?  
  
Ravenf6: I told him I'd make him sing opera.  
  
Kenshin: (sweat drops) that's harsh.  
  
Another knock at the door.  
  
Juno: Tonight's host is here.  
  
Ravenf6: Good. Send Scythe in.  
  
Kenshin & Battousai: 'Scythe??'  
  
The next person to come was a boy roughly around 15 years old. He wore a black bandana and had brown hair in a similar style to Sano, but not as wild. He looked normal enough wearing a green t-shirt and khaki shorts but he also had a pair of metal gloves on his hands (I think I stink at character descriptions). His most distinctive feature was a purple streak on his left cheek.  
  
Scythe: (looks around) ...Did I come at a bad time?  
  
Ravenf6: On the contrary. Everyone, this is Scythe, he's going to host today.  
  
Scythe: It's good to be-(takes a quick look at Battousai and turns pale)- Holy infestation! It's Battousai the Manslayer! Kill him!!  
  
Battousai: What's this feather-duster head talking about??  
  
Ravenf6: Alright, calm down. Battousai's on the show and I hope you can get along...  
  
Scythe: I hope you know what you're doing...  
  
***  
  
Tonight's program: Misao, Aoshi, Saitou, and Battousai  
  
Scythe: Good evening and welcome once again to Ravenf6's Whose Line is it, Anyway?" On tonight's show...  
  
The play's the thing, Misao Makimachi! (Misao waves at the camera)  
  
Frailty, thy name is Aoshi Shinomori! (Aoshi reclines in his seat)  
  
How now? a rat! Hajime Saitou! (Saitou looks irritated at the comment)  
  
And... Dead for a ducat, dead- Battousai the Manslayer! (Battousai stares daggers at the camera)  
  
I'm your host, Scythe Mana, let's go have some fun! (audience applauds while Scythe finds his way to the desk.)  
  
Scythe: Okay, welcome to Whose Line, the only show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Just like American dignity to George W. Bush.(everyone laughs) Just for sake of consistency, these four are going make up stuff off the top of their heads and get awarded fake points that don't mean anything. At the end, we pick a winner who gets to do something with me and the loser has to try to get Battousai to do the laundry.  
  
Audience laughs while Battousai looks annoyed.  
  
Scythe: We've got a lot of show for you so let's start with a game called Party quirks. This is for everyone. (Everyone gets out of their seat) Aoshi's going to host a party while Misao, Saitou and Battousai are going to be guests (the latter go to the desk and receive three cards). But these guest aren't normal, they've each have a strange personality based on suggestions from these cards.  
  
Battousai looks really angry at his card, Misao giggles in delight at hers, and Saitou sweat drops at his card.  
  
Aoshi: You're joking? I'm not good at parties.  
  
Scythe: Don't sweat it; I'll just ring in the guests one at a time and you try to guess who or what they are.  
  
Aoshi: Well, it could have been worse. I could be saddled with the Kamiya girl and she has a hernia.  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Scythe: ... Okay, I just lost my appetite. Whenever you're ready, let's start the game...  
  
Aoshi: (pretends to be reading a book) Hmm. 4 teaspoons of paprika, a handful of garlic. This rotisserie chicken isn't so hard to make.  
  
Ding-dong!  
  
Aoshi: Just a minute. ('opens' the door and Misao comes in) Hello there.  
  
Misao: (On the monitor, text reads "hyper-active anime fan girl". Audience laughs) Ooh! It's soooo good to be here!! I love your show (starts hugging Aoshi). I think you're the cutest thing to hit the planet!!!  
  
Aoshi: (sweat drops) O.....kaaay. Why don't you try the bean dip over there?  
  
Misao: Okay! (Starts hoping around like on a sugar rush) mmm! Thisissogood! Do you anything else??  
  
Ding-dong!  
  
Aoshi: (opens the door) Hi, come on in.  
  
Battousai comes in and monitor text reads: "French maid who gets easily agitated by any signs of dirt." Audience laughs.  
  
Battousai: (acts likes he's holding a feather duster and talks in heavy French accent) Bon jour mis ami! I'm so glad you could invite me to- sacre bleu! What is that!?!? (points at Aoshi's shoulder)  
  
Aoshi: What?  
  
Battousai: Agh, dust!!! I hate dust!!! You are stupid pig who lives in mud hole!! (dusts furiously)  
  
Aoshi: ... Maybe you should try some sandwiches.  
  
Battousai: (calm again) Okay. (looks at Misao and freaks out) AAaHHHH! A rat!!  
  
Misao: Where? Where's a rat!?!?  
  
Ding-dong!  
  
Aoshi: So I have a rodent problem, sue me. (Opens the door) Welcome to the party.  
  
Saitou: (monitor text reads "Elmer Fudd looking for anything to shoot." Audience laughs.) Well it's nice to be here. (looks around) Be vewy, vewy, quiet.  
  
Aoshi: Why?  
  
Saitou: I'm hunting wabbits. (Looks at Battousai) A peacock! Kill the peacock!! (Acts like he's taking out a shot gun and starts firing) ooh, wait till I get that peacock, it'll make a nice woast! (Audience laughs)  
  
Battousai: Mon due! I can't stand gunpowder!! Get out of here you filthy wolf of a pig!!  
  
Misao: (Squeals in delight) It's old shifty-eyes!!! You so dangerous and sexy!! Why not do a gotatsu on me sometime?  
  
Scythe and audience howl in laughter.  
  
Saitou: It's that scwewy duck!! I'm gonna bwast your bwains out!!!  
  
Aoshi: Whoa! If you're going to shoot my guests, I'll have to ask you to leave. You're not going to find any wabbits here, Elmer!  
  
Scythe buzzes Saitou out.  
  
Battousai: It's bad enough I work for a slob. I never thought I'd have to work for a pig!!  
  
Aoshi: You're the angriest, ugliest French maid I've ever seen in my life!  
  
Scythe buzzes Battousai out.  
  
Misao clings to Aoshi again and audience howls.  
  
Misao: Maybe you should get your own show, you're so cute..^_^  
  
Aoshi: (Sweat drops) Either I'm freaking out or she's one of those crazy, rabid fan girls that won't stop leaving me alone.  
  
Scythe: Yes she is! (hits the buzzer many times to end the game)  
  
Everyone goes back to their seats and the audience applauds.  
  
Scythe: That was pretty cool. A thousand points to everyone, and 47 more points to Battousai for acting so much like a French maid.  
  
Battousai: I never knew maids could get so angry, so I winged it.  
  
Audience laughs.  
  
Scythe: I believe that. Our next game is Misao and Saitou, which is called "What are you trying to say?" It's a rare game we do in which Misao and Saitou are acting as two people who get easily offended by what the other says. (turns to the audience) Now what I need from the audience is a place where you normally go.  
  
VAM: Video store! Plant Nursery! Hospital!  
  
Scythe: Hospital sounds good. Whenever you two ready, take it away.  
  
Misao: Oh, welcome to the hospital, how may we help you?  
  
Saitou: Yes, I'd like to see Dr. I. C. Nothing, I have an eye exam today.  
  
Misao: Let's see... I'm afraid you'll have to wait here for a while.  
  
Saitou: (offended) So what are you trying to say? Are you saying I'm not important enough to be seen right away? (audience laughs) Are you trying to tell me that you've got some rich imperialist slob who needs to monitored 24/7? (Gets angrier)That after all the time I've laid my life on the line, I have to wait 2 years before I can be seen for a simple eye check? (More laughter)  
  
Misao: No. I'm just saying the doctor's in the middle of another appointment.  
  
Saitou: (calm) Oh. (Scythe and audience laughs)  
  
Misao: Hm. I just talked to him and said I should take a look at you.  
  
Saitou: Good. Could you make it a thorough examination? I think I might have problems seeing.  
  
Misao: (offended) So... what are you saying? (audience laughs) Are you saying I don't know how to examine people? (more laughter) That I'm just some poor girl they took off the street just so they wouldn't have to pay so much for a college graduate? (starts yelling) Am I just some stupid Weasel Girl whose so desperate to make money, I wouldn't have to do the job right, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!?!!!??(Audience roars in laughter and cheering)  
  
Saitou: No, I was just making sure we didn't miss anything.  
  
Misao: (calm) Oh, good idea! (Audience cheers while Scythe doubles over in laughter)  
  
Misao acts like she's examining Saitou's eyes.  
  
Misao: Hmm. I think you need new contact lens. Something in a calm, light blue I think. (audience laughs)  
  
Saitou: (offended) So what are you trying to say? (audience laughs) Are you saying my eyes are stupid? (audience laughs) Are you saying that my eyes are so scary, they can make anyone cringe like a baby and they flee in stark terror? (Audience cheers while Saitou turns really angry) ARE YOU SAYING THAT WHEN PEOPLE SEE ME THEY RUN AWAY LIKE I SHOOT LIGHTING FROM MY EYES EVEN THOUGH THERE'S NO LIGHTNING COMING OUT AT ALL, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!?!!!? (audience cheers and laughs)  
  
Misao: No, I was just saying blue's a good color for you.  
  
Saitou: (calm) ...Oh. (audience cheers) I'll take those then.  
  
Misao: That'll be 20 yen.  
  
Saitou: Here you go (pretends to hand over the money). Man, I'm glad I ran into you. Every time I get new lens in the past they took forever.  
  
Misao: (offended) What are you saying?(audience laughs) That I'm some kind of overachiever?? Are you saying that I don't have a life? That I spend every waking moment to make sure you get just what you need, (audience laughs and Misao gets really angry) THAT I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN BE A SLAVE? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY????!!?!?! (Audience laughs and cheers)  
  
Saitou: ... Actually, that's what I WAS trying to say. (audience laughs)  
  
Scythe hits the buzzer to end the game, the wolf and weasel girl return to their seats.  
  
Scythe: All the points go to Misao for that one.  
  
Saitou: Whatever.  
  
Scythe: We'll be right back with more Whose Line is it Anyway? Don't go anywhere....  
  
Act 2: Audience applauds.  
  
Scythe: welcome back to Whose Line is it, Anyway? The only game show that isn't a game at all. Our next one's for Aoshi, Battousai, and Saitou. This one's called 'show-stopping number. (audience cheers) What happens is that Saitou and the Battousai are going to start the scene, followed by Aoshi. And when I buzz them, they have to use the last thing they said and do a big show-stopping musical number. What I need from the audience now is the name of an ancient occupation.  
  
VAM: Blacksmithing! Playwright!  
  
Scythe: Blacksmithing was the first thing I've heard. So let's get started.  
  
Battousai acts like he's pound something on an anvil with a hammer.  
  
Saitou: What're you doing? It's break time.  
  
Battousai: I was just working on this sword right now.  
  
Saitou: Don't you think the boss'll get angry about you making things without his consent?  
  
Battousai:... Do I look worried? That Aoshi can kiss my butt for all I care  
  
Scythe hits the buzzer cueing the show-stopping number music.  
  
Battousai: (Starts dancing around the stage singing) Hey, look at me, I'm making a brand new tool. And I don't care, that Aoshi's a fool. And you might think, you think I might be crass, but soon I'm gonna take this brand new sword and stick it up his (bleep)!  
  
The music stops while the audience cheers and laughs.  
  
Saitou: ... Are you sure you know what you're doing? Mr. Aoshi can be really tough when he's angry.  
  
Battousai: Hmm. Hey, I've got an idea!  
  
Saitou: What?  
  
Battousai: Why don't you get him drunk?  
  
Satiou: You want me to get the boss stewed?!?! (audience laughs)  
  
Battousai: (grins evilly) Exactly!  
  
Saitou: Well,.... Maybe just a little drunk. (buzzer sounds and the music ques on again, prompting Saitou to dance and sing) Hey, mister. We're breakin' the rules! Once we get the boss stuck on the booze! First he's gotta drink a lot, then I'm gonna smoke a lot: I'm gonna get the boss druuuuuuunk!(audience cheers wildly)  
  
Battousai: So you'll do it?  
  
Saitou: Yep.  
  
Aoshi comes in.  
  
Aoshi: What's going on here?  
  
Saitou: This guy's forging a sword behind your back!  
  
Battousai: What!?!?  
  
Satiou: And he said he's gonna kick your butt!  
  
Aoshi: I'm glad you told me, Saitou. You're promoted. And as for you Battousai, you're fired! (buzzer sounds)  
  
Battousai: (To Saitou) Traitor!  
  
Aoshi: (music starts and you know the rest by now) Yes, you're so fired! Early retired, you were a slacker now you're just a bum. You don't mess with me, that's the golden rule. Or I take out my kodachi and slice you up for my barbeque! (finishes with a "ta-da!" pose)  
  
The audience cheers as the three return to their seats.  
  
Scythe: Wow. A million points to everyone. That was great. I never thought you guys could do that kind of thing so well.  
  
Saitou: Well, one does get bored after the Bakumatsu.  
  
Battousai: Yeah. One can only kill so many people without wanting a break.  
  
Scythe: You know something guy's you just gave me a new idea for a fan fic for the future: "Ruroni Kenshin: The musical!" (audience cheers) ...In the mean time though, let's move on to the next game which is(produces a bowler hat filled with sticky notes).. Scenes from a hat. (audience cheers) This game's for everyone, they have to make up stuff based on suggestions from these little notes as I read them out to them.  
  
Saitou and Battousai are on one side of the stage while Aoshi and Misao are on the other.  
  
Scythe: And the first scene is...(opens a note) "inventions that never made it big."  
  
Misao: (comes on the stage) This new voting system will ensure 100% accuracy for the 2000 election.(leaves)  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Saitou: (comes out pretends to hold something) this penus enlargener was used in the movie, "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery". (leaves)  
  
Audience laughs and cheers  
  
Scythe: (opens a new note) "The- (laughs) the-first draft of famous Shakespearean phrases"  
  
Battousai: (comes out and sniffs around) "There's something rotten in the underwear of Hajime Saitou! (leaves)  
  
Scythe and the audience laugh wildly, while Saitou looks pissed.  
  
Saitou: (comes out) All hail Battousai, who shalt be dead hereafter! (leaves)  
  
Audience cheers.  
  
Aoshi: (steps in)To thine own self be true unless you're Sanouske Sagara. (leaves, audience laughs)  
  
Misao: (steps in and acts like she got hit with a cream pie) The pastry cold cream'd? (charges at Battousai with fake pie) Then cold cream to thy work! (audience cheers)  
  
Scythe: Ha ha. (opens a new note) Oh, this oughta be good: "Impossible questions for a wise man to answer."  
  
Battousai: (comes out) If I'm the most dangerous manslayer of the revolution, how come I get beat up by a homicidal raccoon girl 10 years later? (everyone laughs and cheers as Battousai leaves)  
  
Saitou: How come no one looks like me on "The Bachelor?" (makes an angry look and leaves, the audience laughs)  
  
Aoshi: (steps in) If there's so much violence in this world, why can't we see Anime in its unedited form? (audience cheers)  
  
Battousai: How come the host gets to do nothing for the whole show? (Scythe irritatedly buzzes Battousai out many times)  
  
Scythe: If you remember, it was IMPOSSIBLE questions. One more card... (Opens a new one and grins) I think we're all gonnna enjoy this: "What Battousai the Manslayer is doing when he isn't killing people."  
  
Misao: (comes out) Welcome to Whose Line is it anyway, where the points don't matter. (Leaves)  
  
Audience cheers.  
  
Saitou: Oro... (Drops to the floor complete with the swirly-eyed look. Audience howls with laughter while Battousai turns an angry red)  
  
Battousai: Yes, well once I buy enough stock, I'll take over the Cartoon Network and bring uncensored anime to the children. (audience cheers) They've been doing a terrible job handling some real gems over the years. (Battousai leaves and gives Aoshi a high five)  
  
Audience applauds. Scythe hits the buzzer ending the game. Everyone goes to their seats.  
  
Scythe: That was pretty cool. 2 thousand points to Aoshi and Misao, 35,000 to Saitou, and 500,000 to Battousai for giving hope to anime enthusiasts everywhere.  
  
Battousai: I'm serious: I am going to take over CN soon.  
  
Scythe: I look forward to that. Stick around everyone, we're gonna find you who the winner is when we come back. Don't go anywhere!  
  
Act 3:  
  
Scythe, Battousai, Misao, and Aoshi are on the stage.  
  
Scythe: Welcome back to Whose Line, tonight's winner is (points at the desk) Hajime Saitou!  
  
Saitou: You're certainly a wise host.  
  
Scythe: Saitou doesn't have to kill anyone, while the rest of us get to do a game called "The Irish Drinking song!"  
  
The audience cheers wildly.  
  
Scythe: ..and what we need is from the middle section of the audience, is a favorite holiday.  
  
VAM: April Fools! Thanksgiving! Halloween!  
  
Scythe: Let's do a Halloween one, so whenever the music starts, let's begin the Halloween Irish Drinking Song:  
  
Music starts playing  
  
Everyone on stage: oh,... ( starts swinging their hands in tune) ay Dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di!  
  
Scythe: I feel so good today  
  
Battousai: Today is Halloween!  
  
Misao: I get to eat lots of candy..  
  
Aoshi: and scare away your average teen.  
  
Scythe: I'll put on a real good costume  
  
Battousai: I'll put out the cat  
  
Misao: and if they choose to give me a rock,.  
  
Aoshi: I'll hit 'em with a baseball bat!  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Everyone: Oh ay dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di!  
  
Scythe: Maybe I'll go to a party  
  
Battousai: and there, I'll spike the punch  
  
Misao: and then I'll steal all the dessert  
  
Aoshi: They'll lose bananas by the bunch  
  
Scythe: I think I'll bob for apples  
  
Battousai: and send the rest a'paniking  
  
Misao: Because this year, I will be dressed  
  
Aoshi: As a mummified Carol Channing!  
  
Everyone: Oh ay dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di!  
  
Audience starts clapping in tune with the music  
  
Scythe: I'll watch a scary movie  
  
Battousai: Invite all of my friends.  
  
Misao: And when they all sleep over,  
  
Aoshi: I'll scare their hairs to their end  
  
Scythe; Because I'm really nasty.  
  
Battousai: as nasty as can be!  
  
Misao: I'll put ketchup on their bodies  
  
Aoshi: And go on a killing spree!  
  
Everyone: Oh ay dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di dee di,  
Oh ay dee di dee di dee id dee di...dee...di...dee...di!!  
  
The music stops and the audience applauds  
  
Misao: Y'all better stick around for more 'Whose Line" (puts on her really angry face) or I really WILL crush you all like grapes!!!  
  
Aoshi: You watch way too much "Dave the Barbarian", Misao.  
  
Misao: (happy face) I know!  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Saitou and Misao are on the stage.  
  
Scythe: Welcome back to the show. Tonight Saitou and Misao are going to read the credits-  
  
Just then thunderclouds appear on the stage.  
  
TC: (Evil booming voice) Quake in fear mortals, for now your show will be ruled by...  
  
Something steps out as the clouds dissolve. A little psychotic looking pig wearing a cape.  
  
Pig : (normal voice) The dark lord Chuckles the silly piggy! (laughs manically)  
  
Scythe: What are you doing here, Chuckles?  
  
Chuckles: I demand that you relinquish control of this fic to me...OR I'LL DESTROY YOU ALL!! (takes out his mystical amulet of Hogswinebor and points it menacingly at the audience.)  
  
Scythe: Whoa! Chuckles, take it easy! You know it's funny you came by.  
  
Chuckles: Why?  
  
Scythe: The writer of this fic is considering having non-anime guests appear on the show on occasion, and we're hoping you'd lend a hand.  
  
Chuckles: What? You mean you want me, a dark lord bent on bringing suffering and despair to the world doing parlor tricks on a silly show??.... Good idea!  
  
Scythe: Great! Now that the issue's been settled, Misao and Saitou will read the credits. And they're going to do it like they're trying to carve Chuckles up for dinner. Take it away.  
  
Chuckles starts running with Saitou and Misao in Pursuit  
  
Saitou: Here, Dan Patterson!  
  
Misao: Come on, Mark Levison, it won't hurt a bit!  
  
Chuckles: No! You people are insane as Chip Estan!  
  
Saitou: But we can't have Drew Carey and Wayne Brady without Cecil Worrall, it's unheard of!  
  
Chuckles: Help me! I don't wanna die!  
  
Battousai: That pig is a dark lord?  
  
Aoshi: This world is going to the dogs if they're letting barnyard animals being the villains.  
  
You heard right folks, I'm making a new policy in regards to this fic. Every once in a while, I'll have non-anime or video game guests on the show. But you're still free to petition for anyone you want to see from a favorite anime or video game you want to be on the show and I'll try to accommodate you.  
  
Review section: I've decided to take some time to thank the viewers who actually took the time to leave a review...  
  
Lanny: I'm sorry, but I haven't seen Naruto so I'm afraid I can't put Kakashi on. But if you e-mail me an overall personality and description for him, I'll try to put him in a future chapter. But thanks for your review in the mean time.  
  
Tenshi Koori: Ditto for Kyo. I'm terribly sorry, but if send me the info on him, I'll give it a go.  
  
Twilight Dusk: You're pretty much the only one who actually made suggestions. Many, many thanks to you!  
  
Key16: Words aren't enough to describe your support throughout this venture. And having you as a guest was one of the best honors I've received as a fanfic writer. I'll start working on #10 once I'm finished with it. I'm always looking forward to your fan fiction.  
  
Remember folks, sometimes I can't think up a roster or certain gags off the top of my head. So I really appreciate you sending me suggestions for rosters and games along with your reviews.  
  
Coming soon: #5 


	5. Sano, Yahiko, Tenchi, and Schala

You know the drill: Aside from Nick, Scythe, and Juno, I don't own anyone or this show for that matter. We really should come up with something here so that we don't have to put up this redundant formality every 5 seconds. I know very well why it's necessary, but it's getting on my nerves a little...  
  
Oh yeah, before I forget, I was a little rushed while I was doing this so there were a couple of mistakes I overlooked so I apologize in advance.  
  
RK Whose Line #5: Yahiko, Sano, Tenchi, and Schala Zeal  
  
Prologue:  
  
Back in the office, Juno reviews the list.  
  
Juno: Hmm. So far, so good.  
  
Someone knocks at the door.  
  
Juno: Come in.  
  
Ravenf6: (enters the office) Has there been any word from Key16 yet?  
  
Juno: He said that things are very hectic right now; I got a letter from Sora saying that he nearly got himself sent to the hospital  
  
Ravenf6: Is he hurt?  
  
Juno: No. He almost cracked up when Yugi and Kaiba did a really funny bit.  
  
Ravenf6: Yikes! .... So have our next guests arrived yet?  
  
Another knock at the door.  
  
Ravenf6: (turns around) come on in.  
  
Sano and Yahiko enter  
  
Yahiko: Hey, guys  
  
Ravenf6: Glad you two can make it.  
  
Sano: It beats a tongue lashing from You-Know-Who.  
  
Ravenf6:... Voldemort?  
  
Sano and Yahiko stare at Ravenf6 with confused expressions  
  
Sano: Volde-who?  
  
Ravenf6: (sweat drops) ... I was thinking of someone else. Busu Lady, right?  
  
Yahiko: None other!  
  
Juno: .... Oh dear.  
  
Yahiko: What is it?  
  
Juno: I just got a vision. ... I see terrible things on the horizon... revenge!  
  
Ravenf6: Revenge, you say?  
  
Before Juno could answer the door suddenly explodes, when the dust settles, two people look in. A teen with short black hair, and a blue-haired girl dressed like royalty.  
  
Tenchi: You could have just knocked, Schala.  
  
Schala: (blushes) Goodness. I guess even I don't know how much power my pendant has..  
  
Yahiko: Just what the heck do you two think you're doing? WE could have been killed!!!  
  
Schala: Please forgive me, but I think that you could stand to learn some matters, little boy.  
  
Yahiko: (Gets really mad and takes out his shinai) WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?!?!? (Charges at Schala, but Sano holds him back)  
  
Sano: You need to mellow out squirt. That's no way to talk to a lady.  
  
Yahiko: You're one to talk!  
  
Tenchi: (sweat drops) I'm really sorry about this.  
  
Ravenf6: There's no need, this happens on a daily basis. Since the audience is impatient for more, let's get this party started.  
  
Everyone leaves the room. But someone else comes in soon after, a stranger in a hooded cloak in a wheelchair. He rolls his way to the desk and examines the list.  
  
???????: Just you wait, Ravenf6, you will pay for my humiliation... you too, Key16...(leaves laughing evilly)  
  
A few seconds later, Nick comes in  
  
Nick: Hmm.. (Walks over to the desk) ...This list has been handled by something foreign...(sniffs the air) I smell something... demon blood...! I don't like this, but I'd best not get everyone worried...yet  
  
Tonight's program is a doubleheader: From the SNES game Chrono Trigger, we have the Dark Age princess Schala Zeal. And from the anime series Tenchi Muyo! we have the hapless Juraian prince, Tenchi Masaki!  
  
Act 1: (the audience applauds)  
  
Nick: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen and welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" On tonight's show....  
  
He beats up people for a living, Sanouske Sagara! (Sano smiles at the camera)  
  
He insults his elders for a living, Yahiko Myojin! (makes a "peace" sign)  
  
She carries around a mysterious pendant, Schala Zeal! (bows at the camera)  
  
And... he lives with a bunch of girls, Tenchi Masaki! (Looks around like he's being watched)  
  
I'm your host, Nicodemus Blackwyvern. Let's go have some fun! (Walks down to the desk  
  
Nick: Welcome again to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The show where the games are made up and the points don't matter, just like the last time Mimi looked in the mirror. (everyone laughs) We've got a lot of show, so let's start with a game called "let's make a date. This is for everyone.  
  
Everyone goes to the side, picks up a stool and sits done.  
  
Nick: In this game, Schala is the contestant of a Dating Game-type show. But the problem is that her choices are only these three losers. (everyone laughs) The catch is that they're not your normal guests, they've each been given a strange identity on these cards that Schala has to try to figure out who they are.  
  
Tenchi looks at his and face faults, Yahiko raises an eyebrow at his, and Sano covers his face at his.  
  
Nick: So when you're ready, Schala, start the show.  
  
Schala: Bachelor # 1, what is it you like to do on a nice summer's day?  
  
Tenchi: (monitor text reads "Scooby-Doo", audience laughs) Rrrhat I rike to do? Rri rike to eat. Rhat, and stay away from ghosts. Hee-hee-hee!  
  
Schala: I think you have a speech impediment, and I like that! (audience laughs) Bachelor # 2.  
  
Yahiko: Hello. (Monitor text reads "Garlic Jr.")  
  
Schala: Bachelor #2, If you could be any animal what would you be?  
  
Yahiko: What kind of animal? I'd be a giant dinosaur, that's what! I'd go over there and squish you beneath my feet! (cackles insanely) Then I'd go and take over the world!  
  
(audience applauds)  
  
Schala: ...Your voice is freaking me out... Bachelor #3?  
  
Sano: (monitor text reads "Inspector Clouseau who thinks someone in the cast stole the Pink Panther Diamond) Yes??  
  
Schala: If you took me on a romantic date, where would you take me?  
  
Sano: Where wourld I take you?.... I'd take you to zis nice little café in Lugash and eat in a private roorm.  
  
Schala: (sweat drops) Do you just say 'roorm'?  
  
Sano: I've no time for that (gets off his stool)... ze thief is here in zis building!  
  
Schala: ... I'll get back to you. Bachelor #1  
  
Tenchi: Reah??  
  
Schala: If you could be in a sporting event, which one would it be?  
  
Tenchi: RrI'd be at the rall-you-can-reat rbuffet. (audience laughs) Ri'd eat reverything in sight. (looks around) Rripes! A ghost! (runs off the stage).  
  
Schala: This keeps getting weirder and weirder. Bachelor #2?  
  
Yahiko: Silence! Don't speak when unless I tell you, in this case, I didn't!  
  
Schala: Bachelor #2, if you could say one thing that describes you, what would it be?  
  
Yahiko: I'd say I want out of this place and be as tall as a tree! I'm so tired of people looking down on me! I'll tear their heads off and use them as an ashtray! Nah, maybe I'll just mount them on my wall. (Audience laughs)  
  
Schala: Remind me not to take you to a taxidermist. Bachelor #3,-  
  
Sano: Be quiet! I'm this close to solving the case! .... Aha! I should have knowrn you'd be the one responsible for this! (Goes to Nick's desk) I'm putting you under arrest in ze name of ze lawr, you filthy minky!  
  
Nick: "Minkey!??" (Audience laughs)  
  
Sano: What?  
  
Nick: You said "minkey".  
  
Sano: Of course, as in chimpanzee minkey.  
  
Nick: (Hits the buzzer multiple times) So Schala, care to guess who they are?  
  
Schala: Bachelor number one was some kind of cowardly dog.  
  
Nick: Anyone in particular?  
  
Schala: Oh, he's Scooby-Doo.  
  
Nick: Yes!  
  
Tenchi puts his stool away and goes back to his seat.  
  
Schala: Bachelor number two was... I'm guessing Napoleon or something?  
  
Nick: Yeah, but you only see this little tyrant in Dragon ball Z.  
  
Schala: Garlic Jr.?  
  
Nick: Yes he is! Are you ready for bachelor number 3?  
  
Schala: Hmm. I'm guessing that Sano was some kind of crazy detective with a horrible accent.  
  
Nick: ... Yeah, it does ring a bell...  
  
Schala: Perhaps he's –oh no! Please don't tell me he's that bungler, Inspector Clouseau??  
  
Nick: Yes he is, and it also says he's looking for whoever stole the Pink Panther diamond.  
  
Schala: So that's what that thing was??  
  
Nick: Yeah. A thousand points to Yahiko, Tenchi, and Schala. Minus 1 million points to Sano; You'll pay!! (Smites Sano with a thunderbolt. The audience laughs and cheers as Sano is sitting in his chair, charbroiled and smoking.) I got good smiting credentials from Zeus and Ramuh (Audience laughs). Let's move on a game called 'hats'. This is for everyone, now everybody is given a box of hats that they have to use for the world's worst dating service video.  
  
Sano and Yahiko get one box while Tenchi and Schala get another.  
  
Nick: So whenever you guys are ready, take it away.  
  
Yahiko: (Ninja's hood) I love to work in the dark. (Audience laughs)  
  
Tenchi: (pirate's eye patch) Arr, I'll show why I be the very model of a modern major rear admiral. (audience laughs)  
  
Sano: (baseball cap) Want a real home run slugger? (Audience laughs while Nick starts to crack up)  
  
Tenchi: (Goat's mask)... I've been a (bleats) baaaaaaaaaad little boy...(audience laughs)  
  
Sano: (military cap) I'm gonna drill you to next week, maggot! (Audience laughs  
  
Schala: (Nurse's hat) It's time for your six o'clock bedpan change. (audience chuckles)  
  
Yahiko: (in Sea captain's hat) MEN!! (turns left face) ....OF THE SEA!!! (Turns right face) WILL HAVE A GOOD TIME TONIGHT! (Audience laughs)  
  
Tenchi: (barber's scissors) I'm going to give you more than just a little off the top. (Audience laughs while Nick cracks up again.)  
  
Sano: (Judge's wig) No, I hold YOU in contempt! (audience laughs)  
  
Schala: (wearing a crown) ...OFF WITH YOUR PANTS!!!!! (Audience roars with laughter, Nick falls out of the chair, laughing like crazy) ... Oh my god, I think I killed him....  
  
Nick: (climbs into the chair) HA HA HA HA! Oh my god! I can't believe you said that!  
  
Yahiko: ... you okay?  
  
Sano: I always said he was a mad man.  
  
Nick turns angry and smites Sano again.  
  
Nick: (To Sano, angrily) Next time you say that, they'll have to call you roast chicken head! (audience oohs as Nick hits the buzzer)... That was amazing. 37 points to everyone, and a 400-point bonus to Schala.  
  
Schala: (bows slightly)Thank you.  
  
Nick: Don't mention it. We'll be right back with more "Whose 'Smite' is it, Anyway? Don't go anywhere! (Audience applauds)  
  
Act 2:  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Nick: Welcome back to Whose Line is it, Anyway?" the only game show where if I get mad, I get to smiting (audience laughs). Our next game is for Tenchi, Yahiko, and Sano. (to the audience) What I need from the far right section of the audience is the name of a woman...  
  
Various Audience Members: Judy! Margaret! Maria! Latrine! (audience starts laughing)  
  
Nick: Latrine it is. Now give me an occupation..  
  
VAM: Bathroom janitor! (audience starts laughing louder)  
  
Nick: One guy in the audience who hits it on the nail! The name of this game is called "Funeral" (audience cheers) . What's gonna happen here is that Sano is going to be the priest, while Tenchi and Yahiko are the chief mourners for Latrine, who died in a freak bathroom cleaning accident. (everyone laughs) And at the end, they have to sing a song about her, all in one voice.  
  
Sano stands at one end of the stage; Yahiko and Tenchi are at the other, bowing their heads in reverence.  
  
Sano: Dearly beloved, we are all gathered here to bid farewell to Latrine.  
  
Yahiko: (sobs softly like Ryan Stiles)  
  
Sano: She had a good life until one day when she tried to mop the floor with her tongue (audience laughs)  
  
Yahiko: (sobs again)  
  
Sano: Now before we say goodbye, I believe that we should share what we know about her. (To Tenchi) Now Roger, you gave Latrine her first job, didn't you?  
  
Tenchi: Yes. She was young, but she was determined. Why I remember the day she used her hands instead of a scour to get rid of that mildew buildup in the sink. (Audience laughs and groans). Even though that put her on Workman's Comp, she still came in and did her job.  
  
Sano: Ahh. (To Yahiko) John, you were Latrine's little brother. What would you like to share about your sister?  
  
Yahiko: I remember we used to fight over who gets to clean the bowl. Our ancestors were all famous bathroom cleaners, and I wanted to follow in her footsteps. I even made my own toilet scrubber out of tree bark and grandma's fake hair (audience groans.)  
  
Sano: You're joking?  
  
Yahiko: No, her wig was made out of iron. (Audience laughs)... Poor Latrine, I was going to give it to her when she got promoted to the Executive Washroom (sobs).  
  
Tenchi: It's okay, John. According to your sister's wishes, she wanted us to sing her a eulogy before burying her.  
  
Tenchi, Sano, and Yahiko get to center stage while Laura Hall starts playing the funeral song theme.  
  
Tenchi, Sano, Yahiko (together, singing): Oooooh, Latrine,  
  
I miss you everyday.....  
  
Ooooooh. Latrine...  
  
You scrub my shame awaaaaaaaay. (Audience laughs)  
  
No one can clean a bathroom,  
  
Quite as well as you....  
  
Your urinal cakes were homemade,  
  
And you made your tools by hand....  
  
I miss the days you swept and..  
  
Mopped for days on end...  
  
In poker, you were always winning,  
  
You always made a royal flush!!!!  
  
Nick hits the buzzer. The audience cheers as Tenchi, Yahiko, and Sano returned to their seats.  
  
Nick: That was pretty good; too bad the censors won't allow too much bathroom humor. They consider it a piece of (bleep!) (Everyone laughs). 100 death coins to everyone.  
  
Sano: 'Death coins??'  
  
Nick: Yep. You can buy off Death with these coins. Let's move on to a new game called "Foreign Film Dub. This is for everyone. (The aforementioned come down on stage). Yahiko and Schala are going to perform a scene out of a movie in a foreign language, and Tenchi and Sano will translate whatever they say. (Turns to audience) Now what I need is a language to fake...  
  
VAM: Spanish! Korean! Scandinavian!  
  
Nick: Scandinavian sounds good. And what would call this movie if you were a Scandinavian action film director?  
  
VAM: Skoal!  
  
Nick: Cool. So let's take it away...  
  
Yahiko: (speaks phony Scandinavian)  
  
Sano: "Do you where all the beer went?  
  
Schala: (speaks phony Scandinavian and shrugs)  
  
Tenchi: "Why are you asking me? I'm the head of the prohibition movement!"  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Yahiko: (speaks phony Scandinavian and looks over his shoulder)  
  
Sano: "You! You're the one I was sent to kill!!!"  
  
Schala: (speaks phony Scandinavian and holds an imaginary weapon)  
  
Tenchi: "Go ahead and try it: I'll kick your ass, little boy!"  
  
Audience laughs while Yahiko gets mad  
  
Yahiko: (angrily speaks phony Scandinavian for a long time)  
  
Sano: Hey, you want to put that thing away and grab a brewsky?  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Schala: (speaks phony Scandinavian)  
  
Tenchi: "Sure, why not?"  
  
Yahiko walks up to Schala  
  
Yahiko:(speaks phony Scandinavian)  
  
Sano: "You are one hot-lookin' chick!"  
  
Audience laughs  
  
Schala: (blushes and (speaks phony Scandinavian)  
  
Tenchi: "Are you just trying to get some? I'm already married."  
  
Audience roars with laughter  
  
Yahiko: (speaks phony Scandinavian for a really long time)  
  
Sano: Dammit!  
  
Audience laughs even harder.  
  
Nick hits the buzzer.  
  
Nick: A thousand points to everyone, and a golden tankard to Sano for his colorful translation.  
  
Sano: Wow!  
  
Nick: By the way, you should keep an eye out for Sano's new TV project: it's a cross between "The Curse of the Pink Panther:", "History of the World Part 1", "The Fox and the Hound" and "My date with an axe-murder" It's called "My historical date with the cursed Fox Murderer." (Audience laughs as Sano gets cross.)  
  
Sano: Hey, I'll have you know that Megumi's a saint compared to Karou.  
  
Nick: Not based on what she'll do to you if you don't stop drinking (audience laughs louder). Next game up is an all-time favorite on the show. It's called "Newsflash." This is for Schala, Yahiko, and Tenchi. What happens is that Tenchi's going to cover a big news story in front of something called a "green screen". He can't see what's behind him, so he has to figure out what's going on based on hints from Schala and Yahiko. We in the audience and whoever is reading this fic can see what's behind Tenchi thankfully, so let's take it away!  
  
Schala and Yahiko sit on two stools while Tenchi stands in front of the green screen.  
  
Schala: So is teacher of yours that nasty?  
  
Yahiko: Yep, and ugly as they come. (Audience laughs)  
  
Schala: Oh! We interrupt this regularly scheduled infomercial to bring you this breaking news story. We turn things over to our wet-eared news reporter, Tenchi for a look.  
  
Green screen shows scenes from B-rated horror movies.  
  
Yahiko: Tenchi, what's going on over there?  
  
Tenchi: Pardon?  
  
Yahiko: What matter of craziness is this?  
  
Tenchi: I have no idea, but I think it all started with a rumor that President Bush passed a law that grants him an automatic second term in office! (Audience laughs)  
  
Schala: It's definitely something you would see under a full moon, isn't it?  
  
Tenchi: ... Maybe.  
  
Yahiko: Tenchi, it seems that these guys have an ax to grind with someone, don't they?  
  
Screen shows Evil Dead 2 scene in which the beheaded zombie runs into the tool shed with a chain saw.  
  
Tenchi: I don't know.  
  
GS (Green screen) "Scream" scene in which the hot chick gets brutally crushed by garage door. (Audience screams)  
  
Schala: (screams)  
  
Tenchi: AAH!  
  
Schala: Hey Tenchi, have you seen any suspicious characters around here?  
  
Tenchi: What?  
  
Schala: What do you think the chances are of unmasking this mystery?  
  
Tenchi: I've been working with the police, but they're dead tired (audience laughs)  
  
Yahiko: Do you think they'll be any survivors when this is over?  
  
Tenchi: ... I'm not so sure, but I've dealt with things more terrifying.  
  
Schala: Like what?  
  
Tenchi: Aeka and Ryoko on a bad hair day. (Audience laughs)  
  
Yahiko: Tenchi, I've noticed a kind of red liquid running everywhere, what do you make of it?  
  
Tenchi pretends to look down, stick his finger in and puts it in his mouth (audience cheers and laughs) I think its taco sauce (more laughter)  
  
Schala: These things seem to be disorganized. I've never seen anyone shambling so much before.  
  
Tenchi:... Well, Schala, I wish I had a sawed-off shot gun and a chain saw, (looks behind him) I think they look hungry.  
  
Nick: (hits the buzzer) Something tells me you've seen enough, Tenchi. What's behind you?  
  
Tenchi: Bloody horror movies from the 80's?  
  
Nick: Yes it is. (Yahiko puts the stools away, and rejoins the others at their seats) ... So Tenchi, are Aeka and Ryoko THAT nasty on a bad hair day?  
  
Tenchi: You don't know the half of it.  
  
Nick: Then give them both 100 sympathy points when this is over. We'll be right back to find out who the winner is on "Whose Line is it Anyway?" Don't go anywhere!  
  
Act 3:  
  
Audience applauds. Sano's sitting at the desk while everyone else is on the stage.  
  
Nick: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" Tonight's winner is Tenchi Masaki!  
  
Tenchi: Don't I get to sit at the desk?  
  
Nick: Afraid not. (To Sano) Comfy?  
  
Sano: I can get used to this.  
  
Nick: Don't you dare mess up my desk.  
  
Sano: (sarcastically) Ooh, I'm so not afraid  
  
Nick: (as Yoda) You will be... you WILL be...  
  
Tenchi: ... You're starting to scare me now.  
  
Nick: Tenchi's going to be doing a game called "Dubbing" along with Schala and me. As a special treat, we're also getting a little bit of help from a pair of special guests.  
  
Schala: My, how generous.  
  
Nick: First of all Tenchi, I must apologize in advance.  
  
Tenchi: For what?  
  
Nick: Chances are we'll find out since our guests should be familiar to you. These two, whenever they aren't doing hobbies or something, always ending up fighting over Tenchi.  
  
Tenchi: Oh no!  
  
Nick: Please welcome the Juraian maiden Aeka, and the space pirate, Ryoko, ladies and gentlemen!  
  
Audience applauds as Aeka and Ryoko come out on the stage.  
  
Nick: I'm glad the two of you could make it.  
  
Aeka: It's very nice to be here, Nick.  
  
Ryoko: Mihoshi and Kiyone are out job hunting again, so we figured "what the hey?"  
  
Tenchi: So who's watching the house?  
  
Ryoko: Sasami's helping Washu with a new experiment so I don't think we need to worry about it.  
  
Sano: (Leans over the desk) Hey, can you two give me your numbers when this show is over?  
  
Aeka: (slightly embarrassed) Oh my, is that a man or a rooster?  
  
Everyone but Sano laughs.  
  
Ryoko: I'd say a rooster, and a cute one at that. Why not you and I grab some food afterwards?  
  
Audience howls  
  
Nick: (sweat drops) .... Okay...I wish we could talk about that more, but we have a show to do. So the deal is that you two ladies are going to be in a game called dubbing, what happens is that Aeka and Ryoko are going to act out a scene with Tenchi, but the problem is that Tenchi can't speak. So I'm going to provide the lines for Tenchi. The scene is, a normal day at the Masaki residence that starts to go down the hill when Tenchi brings a friend, Schala, over to meet everyone. (Audience laughs)  
  
Nick heads towards the desk with a microphone, while Aeka and Ryoko start the scene.  
  
Aeka: So, did Washu build that new cappuccino machine, yet?  
  
Ryoko: She's been working on that thing since we freed her from her hibernation. It's on her giant "To-do" list!" (Audience laughs)  
  
Tenchi: (lip-synchs with Nick's voice) "Hey, guys!"  
  
Aeka: Oh, hello Tenchi!  
  
Ryoko: You look happy, something you'd like to share?  
  
Nick voice over: "Yes I would, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine from school. I'd like you to meet Schala."  
  
Schala comes in.  
  
Schala: Um, hello. Tenchi's told me a lot about you two.  
  
Ryoko: (raises an eyebrow skeptically) Really?  
  
NV: "Oh, don't worry, I haven't told her you're a nasty space pirate."  
  
Audience laughs while Aeka starts giggling and Ryoko has a vein popping on her forehead.  
  
Schala: "Space Pirate?" Tenchi, I had no idea you had such rough company!  
  
Aeka: I can believe that. No refinement whatsoever.  
  
NV: "I'm sorry, but right now, my memory's kinda fuzzy.. Who are you again?" (Audience laughs)  
  
Ryoko: I can't believe you forgot about us this quickly?  
  
Aeka: (pulls Ryoko away from Tenchi and Schala) Ryoko, don't you think there's something strange about that girl?  
  
Ryoko: She's a lot nicer than you, that's for sure.  
  
NV: "What are you two up to over there? (To Schala) I'm really sorry about this.  
  
Schala: Sorry about what? This is exciting compared to life at the palace.  
  
Aeka: (Sternly) Tenchi, you've got some explaining to do.  
  
Ryoko: Are you trying to two-time us? (Audience laughs)  
  
NV: "Uh, no! I'd be a fool to try and do something like that. Why the only thing worse than that is a little boy calling his teacher ugly for no good reason!"  
  
Yahiko: (angrily) HEY!!!!  
  
Nick and Sano high five each other. Audience laughs.  
  
Aeka: Poor Yahiko.  
  
NV: "'Yahiko?' Is there something YOU'RE not telling me?"  
  
Ryoko: (sinister glint in her eyes) Yeah, are you hiding a man around here?  
  
Aeka: What!?! Ryoko, how can you betray me like this??  
  
Ryoko: Don't get your ponytails in a knot, I'm just curious.  
  
Aeka: (angrily) Don't think you'll be smiling once I show Tenchi what you wrote about him in your diary! (Audience laughs)  
  
Ryoko: (Shocked) You dirty-  
  
NV: "Come on you two, there's no need to fight over me..."  
  
Schala: Does this happen everyday, Tenchi?  
  
NV: "I'm afraid it does."  
  
Sano hits the buzzer.  
  
Sano: Personally, I'd like to see what happens next in private, but doing so would cause problems for a PG rated fic.  
  
Nick: Let's hear it for Ryoko and Aeka, everyone! (Audience applauds) We'll be right back with more "Whose Line". Don't go away!  
  
Credits:  
  
Audience applauds.  
  
Sano, Tenchi, Yahiko, Aeka, and Ryoko are on the stage.  
  
Nick: Welcome back to "Whose Line". Tonight, we're going to do the credits with everyone, and a little help from Ryoko and Aeka.  
  
Aeka: (bows) It was a pleasure to be here, Master Nick.  
  
Ryoko: You think you could have us as guests in the future?  
  
Nick: I'll have to talk the author about that. Tonight, you're all going to read the credits while you're all trying to Smite Sano with these handy- dandy thunderbolts, courtesy of Zeus.  
  
Sano: (angrily) I'm gonna get you one of these days (cracks his knuckles)  
  
Nick: If you keep that up, I'll be tempted to pull a Zanetsuken on you. Until then (smirks), you better start running!  
  
Yahiko: Hunting season's open on all Mark Levisons! (Throws a bolt, Sano dodges)  
  
Sano: Drew Carey, you are all out of your minds!  
  
Tenchi: Silence!  
  
Sano starts running, but Tenchi hits Sano with his thunderbolt.  
  
Sano: X-X OOWWWWWWW!!!! THAT HURTS, YOU LITTLE-  
  
Aeka: You've no room to complain, Chip Estan! Go back to the Greg Proops that spawned you!  
  
Ryoko: Here's a number you won't forget: It's Colin Mochrie! (Smites Sano with her thunderbolt)  
  
Sano: What did I do to deserve such Ryan Stiles? He's a bigger target than me!  
  
Schala: What a wonderful way to do away with such a sinful Wayne Brady!  
  
This one had me running on empty for a bit, but doing some quick research for Tenchi and Co. quickly remedied that. In the next installation, get ready for future craziness as maverick hunters X and Zero stop by. And what the heck's with this guy in robes sneaking around? The show must go on, even if someone is plotting revenge.  
  
Review section:  
  
Skylark360-Gomen nessai!! I was in such haste in writing this chapter; I accidentally overlooked part of your suggestion to put in Kenshin and Kaoru.... In any case, Kenshin and Kaoru had had their time on the show for a while, so I figured I'd put in Sano and Yahiko instead. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter, especially the last game. I could not resist the temptation of having Aeka and Ryoko on the show and driving Tenchi crazy. I do hope however, you look forward to Kenshin and Kaoru having some fun with Zero and X.  
  
As always, reviews and suggestions for future chapters are welcome. Hope to see you in the review pages! 


	6. Puns, Guns, and fun in the sun

Disclaimer: You know the drill by now, anyone you may have heard of don't belong to me, I don't own "Whose Line is it anyway? Ruroni Kenshin or its characters, or whomever my other guests are (living, mechanical, etc.)that appears. I believe this fic already has a PG rating. There's a bit of crude language in this chapter.

Ravenf6's RK Whose Line is it, Anyway? Fic #6:

Kenshin, Kaoru, Zero, and X

Prologue:

Back in the office.

Ravenf6: (reading a letter) Oh no...

Juno: (enters the office) Is something wrong?

Ravenf6: It's just as you predicted, Juno. Someone IS plotting revenge against me.

Juno: Do you know who it is?

Ravenf6: No, he just left this letter:

"Dear Ravenf6,

I will have swift, brutal revenge upon you.

-Mystery guy in wheelchair"

Juno: What will you do?

Ravenf6: .... I'm leaving the reins of this fic in your hands for the time being (starts to leave).

Juno: Where are you going?

Ravenf6: To see if there's something I can do about this problem. (Leaves)

Juno: ... Oh dear, I hope this has nothing to do with my vision in the last chapter. (Sits down and starts making phone calls)

Soon after, Juno starts fidgeting while Scythe starts pacing around the room

Juno: I hope this doesn't take too long...

Scythe: The audience is starting to get ugly out there.

The door opens up and an all-too-familiar couple enters.

Kenshin: Well, it seems that things have changed, that they have.

Juno: Hello, Kenshin and Kaoru, I'm so glad you two could come on such short notice.

Kaoru: Where's ravenf6? We were supposed to meet with him.

Scythe: The author's out on business so we're running the boat for a while.

Kenshin: Oro...

Scythe: Kenshin, this is no time to be "oroing", we've got an audience thirsty for blood tonight!

Kaoru: So what's the hold up?

Juno: Our other two guests haven't shown up- (Just then, two blurs, one red and yellow, the other blue touch down) ... yet.

Everyone sweat drops

X: ... Um, were we interrupting something?

Juno: ... n, no, I don't think so. Everyone, these are Zero, and Megaman X of the maverick hunters.

Kenshin: (sweat drops) Oh my, how does Mr. Raven find all these strange people? These two look as though demons from a battlefield!

Kaoru: (pounds Kenshin on the back of the head) Kenshin, you're embarrassing us! (Cheerful) Hello!

Scythe: What kept you guys so long?

Zero: Dr. Cain had too much caffeine; it's hard to corral someone when they're hyper.

X: It's better than another maverick rebellion, though.

Juno: In any case, I think we should get started before the audience tears us limb from limb.

Scythe: One question: Who's hosting?

Juno: You.

Scythe: (sweat drops) Uh, I'd rather be peeling onions than face that mob.

Juno: You should know I could smite you as easily as Sano was last chapter.

Kenshin: So that's why Sano smelt he was burning all this time!

Kaoru: I thought he hadn't had a bath in a week.

Juno: So what do you say, Scythe?

Scythe: ...All right, I'll do it.

Act 1:

Scythe: Good evening, and welcome to "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" On tonight's show...

Do you have a permit for that sword? Kenshin Himura! (Kenshin drinks some water)

It's against the law to have a temper like Kaoru Kamiya! (Kaoru frowns at said comment)

How long have you had that gun on your arm? Megaman X! (X shrugs at the camera) and...

He pleads insanity: Zero! (Zero acts like he's asleep)

And I'm your host, Scythe Mana. Let's go have some fun before I'm torn to shreds!

Scythe hurries down to the desk before anyone in the audience could grab him.

Scythe: Whew! Welcome to Whose Line is it, Anyway?" The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like diplomacy lessons to Genghis Khan. (Everyone laughs) Sorry we took so long folks, but something came up and the author's away on business. Let's get started with a game called "Number of Words." This is for everyone. (The chosen ones come down on stage) What happens is that everyone's going to act out a scene, but each person, (eyes X and Zero) AND reploid, can only speak in a certain number of words. Kenshin, you're allowed to use four words, Kaoru, you're allowed to use 2 words, X, you can use 3 words, and Zero; you get to use 5 words. (Reads a card) And the scene you're going to act out is... "Kenshin is Sherlock Holmes who is trying to stop Professor Moriarty, played by Zero from carrying out his latest diabolical scheme. Kaoru is going to be the intended victim while X,-

X: -Don't tell me: I'm Dr. Watson.

Scythe: How did you know?

X: Nothing, really.

Scythe: Did you also know that hell hath no fury like the wrath of a fanfic writer?

Audience laughs while X sweat drops

Scythe: Now let's take it away...

Zero enters with his back turned to the audience.

Zero: Soon, England will be mine!

Kenshin enters

Kenshin: (points finger at Zero) Not so fast, Moriarty!

Zero: (turns around) Holmes! You are too late!

Kenshin: I think not, buster.

Zero: I'll kill you like ...fish! (Audience laughs)

Kenshin: (sweat drops) You must be joking.

Kaoru walks in

Kaoru: Oh no!

Zero: I have you now, Elizabeth! (Grabs Kaoru and acts like he's holding a pistol to her head.

Kaoru: Sherlock, help!

Kenshin: (angry) Let her go, fiend!

Zero: Why don't you make me?

X: (walks in looking very uncomfortable) Where's the bathroom!? (Audience laughs)

Kenshin: Watson! Where were you?

X: ... At the bar.

Kenshin: You drank again, yes?

X: (nods head) I need go!

Kaoru: Go left! (Audience laughs)

Zero: Doesn't anyone care about her?

Kenshin: Why make her shield? (Audience laughs)

Zero: ... I get lonely at night. (Audience cheers)

X: Directions don't help...

Kenshin: Go around the corner.

Zero: Where did you find him?

Kenshin: I found him just.. (Smacks Zero with the sakabato, Kaoru runs away)

Zero: Ouch! Curse you, stupid detective! (Takes out his Z-saber)

Kaoru: (hides behind Kenshin) Be careful!

Kenshin: When use sword, Moriarty?

Zero:... I get bored very easily.

X: ... I gotta go!

Kenshin and Zero act like they're fighting. Eventually, Kenshin gets in a good slice in.

Zero: Agh! (Clutches his side) I'll get you, Holmes!

Kenshin: You and what army?

Zero: I'll... find something eventually, twit.

Kaoru: (Hugs Kenshin) My hero!

Kenshin: (blushes and smiles) I like this game. (hugs Kaoru)

Audience: Awwwwwww...

Scythe hits the buzzer and everyone goes to their seats

Scythe: If I had a buzzer for every time I had to go. A thousand points to everyone for such a crazy game. You okay, X?

X: It was hard to do something like that.

Scythe: I'll bet.

Kenshin: That was fun.

Kaoru: I liked it.

Scythe: Okay, 300 more points to Kenshin and Kaoru for creating the first fluffy moment here on the show.

Audience applauds.

Scythe: Let's keep the game going with a game called "Whose Line." This one is for our two resident swordsmen, Kenshin and Zero. You two need to come here and pick up something.

The two approach the desk, where Scythe hands both of them two folded pieces of paper.

Zero: What are these?

Kenshin: I have a feeling we're going to find out, and it's get going to get ugly.

Scythe: How right you are. You two guys are going to act out a scene and you are going to insert this sentences that were written by the audience.

Kenshin: (sweat drops) Oro...

Scythe: Hey Kenshin, easy on the "oro"s there. (Audience laughs)

Scythe: And the scene you two are going to act out is... (Picks up a card and reads) "Robin Hood passes through Sherwood Forest when he's stopped at a bridge by Little John".

Kenshin: (whistling)

Zero: Hey, shorty.

Kenshin: Hmm?

Zero: I was at this bridge first; get your little hide back so I can cross.

Kenshin: Now, let's not be hasty. I was at this bridge first, that I was. Why don't you back up so I can cross?

Zero: Oh, a stuffy pansy, eh?

Kenshin: Come again?

Zero: We've got a saying about creampuffs like you: (takes out a note and reads) "Why are you carrying a fat walrus on your back?" (Audience laughs)

Kenshin: (sweat drops) I'm in the blubber business.

Zero: Isn't that a little on the disgusting side?

Kenshin: And what of you? Do you rent out that thing growing out the back of your head as a push broom? (Points to Zero's gigantic ponytail)

Everyone in the audience roars into laughter, Scythe falls out the chair pounding his fist on the floor. Zero's face turns as red as his armor as he hides his enormous ponytail behind his back.... Only to hear more laughter coming from Kaoru and X.

X: Ha ha ha-I'm sorry, but- ha ha- "push broom"!!! (Laughs like a hyena)

Zero: (veins start twitching on his face) You... me.... After the show.

Kenshin: (turns Battousai) Don't even think you'll win just 'cause you're from a futuristic time.

Audience: Ooh.......

Kaoru: Must we always have a chapter ending up in a brutal, white-knuckle fight to the finish? We've had two in this fic already!

Scythe: Something tells me Juno saw this coming but never bothered to mention it.

X: I never thought writing fan fiction could be so entertaining... maybe I should consider writing some.

Audience members scream in dread horror.

X: What? I've got lots of stories to tell.

Zero: (To X) The last time I read one of your stories, I was so disgusted I accidentally threw up on Alia!

Audience groans in disgust.

Scythe: Heaven forbid when that day comes-

Zero: -And then my feet went completely numb!

Scythe: (sweat drops) Uh, Zero...-

Zero: -Then I got a sudden hangover!

Scythe: Zero, can we PLEASE get back to the matter at hand?

Zero: "Ahem". That is none of your business!

Kenshin: Actually, it is. I've got something to say to you, and you better listen well: (opens up a note) "It's time for your sponge bath."

Audience laughs

Zero: (sweat drops)

Kenshin: You are so wrong about this, it's actually made you dirty!

Audience laughs harder.

Zero: Hey, aren't you Robin Hood?

Kenshin: What if I was?

Zero: The Sheriff's been looking for you.

Kenshin: Is he still upset because I accidentally killed his kinsman?

Zero: When I asked him what was your crime, he told me this: (opens up a second note) "Did you see anyone worth peeping at around here?" (Audience laughs)

Kenshin: ????? Why did he tell you this?

Zero: I guess that rumor about Lady Godiva riding through town isn't a rumor anymore. (More laughter)

Kenshin: I guess not then. Well, it's been fun, but I must go-

Zero: -I don't think so. This here's a toll bridge so you're gonna have to pay up.

Kenshin: Are you daft, man?! I only steal from the rich to give to the poor!

Zero: That's your problem. 'Course, there is one other way.

Kenshin: and that is...

Zero: If you can give sufficient insult, I might be willin' to let you cross.

Kenshin: You mean fighting you with quarterstaves?

Zero: No. We fight with insults: You're so small that when Santa Claus goes on his rounds, he mistakes you for an ice sculpture! (Audience laughs)

Kenshin: (annoyed) Oh, you've gone and done it now.

Zero: What are you gonna do about that, ruroni boy?

Kenshin: I was saving this for the Sheriff, but I've got an insult so hideous, so foul, that even kings cringe like babies after hearing it.

Zero: What is it?

Kenshin: (takes out his second note) "Your girlfriend is so ugly, Medusa looked at her and turned to stone!" (Audience laughs)

BZZZT!

Scythe: You know something guys, that card was 100% unexpected.

Zero: You can say that again. Iris has been dead for years.

Scythe: Yeah. She told me to give you this message: (opens up a note and looks towards Kenshin) "You're uglier than him."

Audience laughs.

Zero: I don't see what's so funny: he's got a scar and a bad haircut. (Gestures to Kenshin)

Kenshin: But that card said you're uglier than me, that it did.

Kaoru: That is pretty funny, I mean who else on this stage has a hairdo with a mind of its own?

X: (snickers) Hey Zero, Marge Simpson called: She wants her highlights back!

Audience roars with laughter.

Scythe: (laughs) Hmm... just for putting up with the hair jokes, 7000 points to Zero, plus a 500 zenny increase to his salary.

Zero: Sweet.

Scythe: (holds up an evil CD) Unless you want the Sigma virus invading your computers, stick around for more "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" Don't go anywhere!

Act 2

Audience applauds.

Scythe: Welcome back to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" The game show where idle threats abound. And since so many people have decided to stick around... (Breaks the CD in two) no more Sigma virus.

Audience applauds.

Scythe: So if there was anyone who took that threat seriously, it's all a gag. Take a good joke now and again, laugh a little: it's what we're here for!

Off the side, a nameless lawyer gives Scythe the thumbs-up and leaves.

Zero: Now where did that lawyer come from?

X: Who knows?

Scythe: For sake of saving our own keisters, let's keep the show going with a game called. "Song styles." And this one is for.... (Scans the crew, each of them looking worried) Kaoru and X.

Kaoru: (sweat drops) Um, I'm not too good at singing.

X: Come on, raccoon lady, how bad can it-

X gets cut off as Kaoru pounds him with her bokuto.

Kaoru: (angry) Don't get me started!

X: Oww, (rubs his sore head) we can use someone like you at the Maverick Hunters. (Thinks to himself) Ouch! Even with this helmet on it hurts!

Audience laughs.

Scythe: If that happened, Sigma would be reduced to a craven coward. Tonight, we have a guest tonight by special request. He's so cowardly, he makes chickens look like lions, please welcome to the show, all the way from the deranged kingdom of Udrogoth, Mr. Coward himself, Dave the Barbarian, ladies and gentlemen!

Dave comes out on stage as the audience applauds; he goes over to the stage and waves at the people.

Scythe: Welcome to the show, Dave.

Dave: Thank you very much; I heard this show was really funny. I remember someone being on the show two chapters ago, but I can never remember who it was.

Scythe: I remember that just a fellow by the name of (in a dramatic voice) THE DARK LORD CHUCKLES THE SILLY PIGGY!! (Thunder bolts flash on stage)

Dave: (looking scared) Bejabbers!!

Scythe: Don't worry about it he's not here. Now Dave, you do like to perform, don't you?

Dave: Yep. Too bad I couldn't finish my musical.

Scythe: Well, tonight's going to be different: for this game, which is called "Song Styles," Kaoru and X are going to sing a song about you.

Dave: Yay! (sits on a stool set on the stage)

Scythe: and the style I want you two to sing in the style of...(thinks for a bit) a ...um... an African folk song!

Zero: Glad it's not me up there! (Audience laughs)

Kaoru: (to audience) I'd never thought I'd be singing again.

(Audience laughs)

X: It's better than Kenshin's, anyway.

(Audience laughs, Scythe begins to crack up at the desk, but Kenshin's eyes start turning red)

Dave: (looks at Kenshin nervously) Is that guy going to hurt me?

X: If he wanted to...

Scythe: Yeah. And ah, heck: let's make it a full-blown African folk song: While Kaoru sings, she's going to get some help from..-

Zero: (aghast) NOOO!!!!!

Scythe: Everyone else! (Audience cheers) That's right, the guys will be the back up dancers so let's hear the African folk song about Dave...

African music riff starts playing; the X, Kenshin, and Zero unwillingly start to dance.

Kaoru: (sings in phony Swahili) Dave...

X, Kenshin, and Zero: (ditto) Dave...

Kaoru: Let me tell you people, I'm gonna start a rave:

We're going to sing a song about a crazy fellow named Dave.

His name is Dave...

The guys: Dave...

Kaoru: Dave is a barbarian, he brightens up my day.

Whenever there is danger, his first thought is to run away.

Udrogoth's his homeland, a place that's really sickly.

He always got his hands full with manic Chuckles the silly piggy

(Speaks bad Swahili).. Dave!

The guys babble their next verse

Kaoru: His uncle is a wizard, whose magic works real funky,

His sisters are a princess and a thing that screams (as Fang) "I'M NOT A MONKEY!!!" (Audience laughs)

Dave loves to sew and knit, his life is really zany.

I wish that you could finish up your musical, "Oh, Pastry!"

His name is Dave...

The guys: Dave...

Kaoru: Da-a-a-ave...

Guys: Da-a-a-ve...

Kaoru: Let me tell you Dave, I know this is a kick-in-the-pants,

But what the heck were you thinking when you made everyone shave their cats?

(Audience laughs)

Everyone on stage dances to the best (or worst) of their abilities for a bit.

Kaoru: Dave, you are a madman, your courage is a flaggin',

His tiny pet is a miniature lightning-breathing dragon.

(Points to the ceiling) What is that Dave?

Dave: (looks up) a monster...

Kaoru: Folks you ought to listen, if monsters come like fleas,

The best way to run away is keep up both of your knees!

Come on, Dave; show these folks how it's done!

Dave gets off his stool, screams, and then leaves the stage at lightning-speed. Kaoru does the same thing. The music stops and the audience applaud.

Scythe: Wow! How can anyone run so fast?

Dave: It's a gift.

Kaoru: I'll say. Now I can catch Sano if he decides to skip out on his chores.

Audience laughs

Scythe: I'll bet. Let's hear it for Dave the Barbarian, ladies and gentlemen!

Audience applauds as Dave leaves

Scythe: In the interest of keeping the show going, let's do a game called "multiple personalities." This one is for Kenshin, X, and Zero.

All three guys come down to center stage.

Scythe: What happens is that these three will act out a scene using three kinds of props (reaches behinds his desk and takes out a sack).

X takes out a fake skull, Kenshin gets a machete, and Zero is stuck with a broom.

Kenshin: (looks at machete) I'm beginning to worry about this show, that I am.

Scythe: You might. Because the scene is (reads a card) "Professor Van Helsing and John Morris are sneaking into to Dracula's castle, intent on killing the vampire." Whoever's holding the skull is, (looks at card) Oh my god: Inspector Zanigata from "Lupin the 3rd"... (Audience laughs while X sweat drops). Whoever has the broom is Courage the cowardly dog.. (Audience laughs) and whoever has the machete... (Looks at card) is the Scotsman from "Samurai Jack".

Kenshin: (sweat drops and shakes his head) ... I had a feeling this was going to be type-casted.

Scythe: I'm sorry, but I'm not doing the writing for this show. Just do the best you can...

(Audience laughs)

X stands on from side of the room arm's crossed like he's sleeping standing up. Zero and Kenshin come in from the other side.

Zero: (Courage, looking extremely nervous) s-so, why are we here again in this creepy old castle?

Kenshin: (Scotsman) Do I have ta tell ye agin, laddie?? We're here to slay the vampire that's been terroizin' the town!

(Audience laughs and applauds)

Zero: (Courage) Could you please not scare me like that? It's very unnerving.

Kenshin: (Scotsman) ... I'll try to be calm about this. He did bite your bonny lass of a daughter, after all.

Zero: (Courage) Look! Over there! (Points broom towards X).

Kenshin: (Scotsman) Aye. That's one o' the ugliest things ya ever clapped eyes on! Let's do it a favor an' kill it quick. (Audience laughs)

Zero: (Courage) Why did he have to get a glass coffin (shivers) Let's get this over with... (Pretends to slide the coffin open with the broom)

X's eyes flash open

X: (Zanigata) Lupin, you bastard! How dare you disturb my rest? (Holds out the skull menacingly). I'm taking you in for defiling my castle like this! ... Wait a minute, you're not Lupin.

Zero (Courage) A-A-A-A-H-H-H-H-H-H!!!! It's alive! (Holds the broom defensively)

Kenshin: (Scotsman) Get ready, laddie: It's time ta do some slayin'!! (Poises to strike)

Audience applauds

X: (Zanigata) Two against one?? Crap! Crap! Crap! This isn't fair at all!

(Audience laughs)

Kenshin: (Scotsman) Learn to like it, you undead scum!!

X hands the skull to Zero and takes the broom

X: (Courage) What did I do to deserve this? The things I do for life.

Zero: (Zanigata) That was my daughter you bit, you son-of-a-(bleep!), I got this pretty pair of bracelets for where you're goin'! (Holds skull like a pair of handcuffs)

Kenshin: (Scotsman) Oh, I like yer attitude. Why don't you take this thing and slit his throat? (Hands the machete over to Zero and takes the skull)

Zero: (Scotsman) Ach, man! How did I get such a horrible Scottish accent?!? It doesn't work with this gigantic ponytail I suddenly got!

(Audience laughs)

Kenshin: (Zanigata) Don't look at me, you got that counterfeit skull from the black market, that you did. And after I take this bum, I shutting those guys down.

Audience laughs.

X: (Courage) Did you guys know that I have friends in high places?

Kenshin: (Zanigata) You think I care?

X: (Courage) And I thought Eustace was nasty. (Looks at the floor) And just look at all this mud you tracked in! My cape is ruined! (Hands the broom to Kenshin, takes the machete from Zero and hands him back the skull)

Kenshin: (Courage) So what's gonna happen to Muriel?

X: (Scotsman) Forget this Muriel, who in Nessie's great bouffant given me the sudden urge to lead my people to freedom against the English?

Audience applauds. At the desk, Scythe doubles over in laughter

Zero: (Zanigata) Ooh! Ooh! I know! It's Lupin! I just know it's him: that dirty thief thrives on chaos! Just give me 5 minutes: I'll skin him alive!

Kenshin: (Courage) Lupin?? (Screams) A-A-A-A-H-H-H!!!

X: (Scotsman, looking crossed) Just what the heck is it with you and flowers, ya loud-mouthed, slop-slingin' sissy, blitherin' domino-playin' swine? You're the sorriest haggis-stuffin' piece of peat moss I ever laid eyes on!

Zero: (looking at X with a confused look)

X: (Scotsman) I'm callin' you a moron!

(Everyone laughs, the audience the actors, Scythe falls out of his chair laughing like crazy)

X: (Scotsman) What's with the vagabond over there? (Points at Scythe)

Zero knells next to Scythe and pretends to examine him.

Zero: (Zanigata) He's been tainted by the vampire!

Scythe: HA HA HA HA!! TOO FUNNY, CAN'T... STOP... LAUGHING!!! (laughs hysterically)

Zero: (Zanigata) Hey, red: take this stake and kill the darn bloodsucker before it's too late! (Hands Kenshin the skull and takes the broom)

X: (Scotsman) Haw haw haw! Ya think you can kill me with a wee broom like that? Come on!

A brief comedic scuffle ensues, when the dust settles, X is pinned to the floor holding the broom, Zero prodding him with the machete, and Kenshin begins to pound X with the skull.

Kenshin: (Zanigata) We got you at last, you stupid bloodsucker!

X: (Courage) You think I'm happy for you?

Zero: (Scotsman) It's better than being in your posistion right now. I'm getting' hungry; what's say we get some haggis?

Kenshin & X: What's "Haggis"?

Zero: (Scotsman) Heart, liver, and kidneys of sheep boiled in it's own stomach!

The audience groan in disgust, Scythe snaps out of his fit of laughter and promptly slams the buzzer. Everyone returns to their seats.

Scythe: (wipes away his tears) ... 1000 to all of you. I had no idea we were going to have so much fun with that.

Kenshin: Is that much swearing really allowed in one sentence?

X: Don't ask me, I'm just playing the part.

Scythe: (chuckles) And a 500 point bonus go to X an excellent Scotsman impersonation.

X: (Scotsman) Well thank ye, laddie.

Zero: I really liked that Braveheart bit.

Everyone laughs.

Scythe: Don't go anywhere, we've got one more show for you tonight, so stick around for more "Whose Line is it, Anyway?" after a brief message:

.... NI!

Thank you.

Act 3:

Audience applauds as ususal. Dave, Kaoru, Scythe and Zero are on the stage. X is sitting at the desk.

Scythe: Welcome back to WLITA?, Toinght's winners are Kaoru, Zero, and our returning guest, Dave the Barbarian!

Audience applauds,. In the seats, X and Kenshin count up thick stacks of money.

Dave: Were those two bribed?

Scythe: Yeah, what are you gonna do?

Kaoru: (yells at Scythe) You're going to be on the floor seeing stars if you stop the wise cracks!

Scythe (sweat drops) Uh, what I meant was on with the show! (laughs sheepishly) Tonight, we're going to do a game called "Living scenery. This one's for me and Dave: what happens is that Dave and I are going to perform but since the writer's too cheap to spring for actual props, we have to use Kaoru and Zero in their places.

X: (opens up a card) And the scene you have to perform is.. "Dave is arguing with director Scythe, about how to finish the "Oh, Pastry!" Musical". Zero's going to be the props for Dave, and Kaoru, you're regrettably going to be the props fore Scythe.

Kaoru gets on her legs and elbows to make a desk.

Scythe: (pretends to write on Kaoru's back) .. No this won't do at all.

Dave: I have a bone to pick with you!

Scythe: And what is it this time, Dave?

Dave: You're destroying my musical!

Scythe: ....So?

Dave: (Holds Zero like a sword) This is not supposed to happen!

Scythe: Dave, do you know the consequences a project like this have on Udrogoth?

Dave: What could be worse? The people banished me for singing the closing number.

Scythe: (puts Kaoru's arms around his neck like a cape) They can level the whole kingdom!

Dave: I guess that's it then. I challenge you to battle!

Dave hold's Zero's ponytail like a dueling glove and slaps Scythe across the face... knocking the latter to the floor.

Audience laughs

Scythe: (gets up angrily) I accept! (slaps Dave with Karou's right hand.) This musical was a bad idea anyway!

Dave: You won't be so high-and-mighty once I bind you in this rope.

Zero: Don't even think about it.

Audience laughs

Scythe: (Looking confused) Since when can rope talk?

Dave: I don't need this: (Makes Zero into a chair and sits) I'm on a sit down strike.

Scythe: Go ahead. Just do it out side my office! (puts Kaoru in front of Dave and spreads her arms out like two closed doors.) Now I can do more important things: like working on my art. (Puts Kaoru on her knees) This bust is almost finished.

Dave: Not as finished as you'll be when I show you this incriminating photo of you taking bribes!

Scythe: (looking shocked) ... You despicable barbaric dog!

Dave: I thought you'd see things my way.. Now I'll just help myself to your bust, and practice my putting. (grabs Kaoru and acts like he's playing golf.)

Scythe: That's what you think: That thing's not a putter.

Dave: What is it?

Kaoru: (puts on a really scary face) BOO!!!!!!!

Dave: (Screams like a little girl and faints)

Scythe: My secret putter-that-turns-into-scary-mask trap! Now, Dave the Barbarian, I shall destroy you like a bug! (laughs manically and incoherently)

X hits the buzzer.

Scythe: (annoyed) Ah man, why did you do that for? I was on a roll!

X: You're a real ham, you know that?

Dave: (gets off the floor) You seriously remind me of Chuckles.

Scythe: Guess he rubbed off on me. (Sighs) All right, let's take a break and do the credits...

One short break later, .. Everyone's on the stage.

Scythe: Welcome back. Tonight we're ending the show with everyone helping out with the credits. X and Zero are going to read the credits, and they're going to do it while chasing dangerous mavericks. On behalf of ravenf6, I'd like to thank Dave, X, and Zero for being on the show and our regulars as well. We'll see you next chapter.

X: (switches his left arm to X-buster mode) Attention all Jimmy Mulvilles, please evacuate the area!

Zero: We have a potentially dangerous 101 on our hands Search and destroy Tom Park!

Kenshin leads Kaoru away from the two.

X: (Points X-buster at Kenshin and Kaoru) Aha! I should have known you'd still be kidnapping, Bruce Ryan.

Kenshin: You must be mistaken: We're evacauating.

Zero: (Takes out Z-saber) A likely story. Take us to your boss!

Kaoru: Just who do you think you are, you obnoxious Ed Greena?

X: Zero, leave those civilians alone.

Zero: I don't think so. (Advances on Kenshin) This guy's a mole for Sigma.

Kenshin: (Unsheathes Sakabatou) You really are a fool, aren't you?

Zero: (smirks) So you wanna do this? I've taken down guys like you with my bare hands.

Kenshin: You should save that for when you're the last one standing....

X: This is going to get ugly: Zero can be really stubborn sometimes.

Kaoru: Kenshin can be the same way sometimes too.

Scythe: Man, I wish I could sell tickets for this but we're out of time.

Sorry it took me so long to update folks, between writer's block and many other things, I've had little time to write. If anyone still cares, I still welcome suggestions for new shows, new guests, etc.

Future prospects to follow in the future:

Kamiya Dojo Insomniacs (chapter 11)

Mega Python's Flying Circus (chapter 2)

I'd like to send my thanks to those who have read my fic and left reviews and update encouragements (even if some were under pain of being crushed or something horrible like it) and a special thanks to key 16 for his suggestion to have Dave on the show; hope to see more suggestions from you, pal.

Well, I'd like to stay and chat, but between work and potentially Hurricane Frances, it will probably be a while before I can write again.

Ja ne!


End file.
